Double Digits

Today was the day Ethan hit double digits.  What is it about double digits that kids always get so excited about?  I suppose it's the growing up part, they always seem so anxious to grow up and we always wish they would slow down.  Regardless, my favorite, and only son turned 10 today.  Yesterday when I was thinking about it, I might have bawled my eyes out, though I can neither confirm or deny this. 

Here he is with his excited birthday glow.

He really wanted an airsoft gun for his birthday.  We found a set that had a pistol and a rifle.  Seeing as how his father was going to "need" to play with him, that's what we chose.  There was all kinds of screaming and cheering this morning when he opened it.  Jared told him he couldn't play with it until he read the owner's manual cover to cover.  He sat right down and got to work.  After school, he decided to take Sadie out and "show her how it works".  A few minutes later I look outside and see this.

They were busy fighting some invisible foe and saving the world.  I kept hearing him call her "Soldier!" all afternoon.  It was seriously hysterical.  I loved how they played so happily all afternoon.  Once Jared was home and dinner and cake were done he and Ethan went outside to try out the guns.  It wasn't long before they were shooting each other with them.  I don't remember when I've laughed so hard, those two were so funny.  The fact that they were both laughing their heads off didn't hurt either.  Don't worry parents, we have discussed safety and he won't be shooting any other people. 

Ethan is a sweet little boy that makes my heart melt.  He is always the first to ask if he can help me with anything and he's always so kind to me.  I love his laughter and his ability to bring humor into almost any situation.  His teasing and laughter put a smile on my face on a daily basis.  He loves his family and his Heavenly Father.  I honestly couldn't ask for a better son that him.  As he went to bed tonight he said, "Thanks mom.  I think this has been the best day of my life."  See, best son EVER!

So This Is What Fifteen Looks Like...

Fifteen years ago I became a mother for the first time.  Looking back I still can't believe those crazies at the hospital let us bring her home without any supervision.  I mean, she had Jared and I, but let's be honest, that really wasn't much considering we had NO idea what we were doing.  They told us to wake her up every two hours and feed her.  We set an alarm and got up faithfully that first night.  By the second night, she wouldn't wake up and neither could I.  By the third morning of her sleeping all night long, I took her to the pediatrician.  I was pretty sure she was broken, after all, what newborn sleeps ALL NIGHT LONG???  I remember the moment when I realized I had no idea what I was doing.  The doctor was looking at her and in a most casual voice said, "So, is this your first child?"  That's when it hit me that I really was a lunatic.  It turns out she wasn't broken, she was just a sleepyhead.  I learned that day that newborns can sleep all night long if they want.  Who knew???  And that's what she did.  She slept all night long from the first night, she was by far our best sleeper.  Now, she stays up all hours of the night, who knows, maybe she got her fill when she was a baby.

Anyway, this beautiful girl turned 15 today.  Yep folks, this is what fifteen looks like.

 

 

I can't tell you how much we love this girl.  She is so amazing.  She loves with her whole heart.  She is fiercely loyal to her friends and family.  She loves the gospel, her Heavenly Father and her older brother, Jesus Christ.  She knows what is right and she chooses the right, quietly without any fanfare.  She loves everyone she meets.  She never criticizes anyone, she defends all of Heavenly Father's children.  And, as her mom, I'm not ashamed to say that I think she is beautiful, inside and out.  She has her head on straight and knows what she wants out of life.  I don't doubt for a minute that she'll achieve all her goals because she does whatever she sets her mind to.  We love you Jenna and we couldn't be more proud of the incredible young woman you are becoming.



Teenagers vs. Youth

I'm not sure when it started, but it's been going on for a couple of months now.  One evening Jared and I were sitting on our bed reading.  The door was open and we could hear the kids engaged in various activities.  Jenna appeared at the door and asked if she could talk to us.  We set our books aside as she came in and shut the door.  We chatted for a few minutes and then asked her what she had wanted to talk about.  "Nothing in particular, I just wanted to talk to you" was her reply.  Soon, the others joined us and it became a fun evening of talking, laughing and tickling. 

It's continued since then, though it's morphed into something slightly different.  We get Sadie down to bed for the night then the big girls, Jenna and Abby, meet me in my bedroom.  Jared disappears with Ethan to do whatever it is boys do when girls aren't around.  Then, me and my teenage daughter and almost teenage daughter lay on my bed and we "chat".  (Their word, not mine.)  We have discussed current events, boys, things about our church, boys, friends at school, boys, dreams of theirs, boys and a variety of other things.  Oh wait, did I mention boys?!

While this doesn't happen every night, I find that it happens a couple of times each week.  I have been loving this time with my "teenage" daughters.  I love hearing all they have to say, laughing with them and hearing about their goals and dreams.  I love that the three of us have this time together.  This has been a great way for us to connect.  Now, please don't be disillusioned, they are still normal kids.  There is still eye rolling, there are disagreements and there are many moments when they think I'm the meanest mom in the world.  But a couple of nights each week we get to set all of it aside and just enjoy each other. 

My uncle once told me to enjoy my teenagers, that raising teenagers was only as bad as you made it.  I always wanted to remember that piece of advice.  I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a dear friend of mine regarding teenagers.  She was telling me how interesting she found it that the world refers to our children at this age as teenagers and it's usually used as a derogatory term.  How often do you hear people refer to teenagers in a negative way.  So often!  It's always with frustration or anger that we comment on ours or other people's teenagers.  However, in the LDS church, you never hear them referred to as "teenagers"  they are "youth".  Our leaders speak highly of their abilities, talents and enthusiasm.  I wonder how many of us are missing out on seeing all the good that these youth bring into the world by choosing to call them, refer to them and therefore see them as only "teenagers".

I have served with the youth in the LDS church for some time now.  They are an amazing group of young people.  Their desire to do right and their enthusiasm for all that is good in the world is so inspiring.  They truly believe as Sis. Dalton taught that if they desire to make a difference in the world they must be different from the world.  And so they make a difference in the world by doing good, choosing the right, living their standards and letting the light of Christ shine through their faces.  So, I hope you'll forgive me if I don't jump on the "teenagers are horrible" bandwagon. 

Someday these girls will be all grown and leave my little house.  I'm not crazy, I know that time is coming towards us with lightning speed regardless of how much I may be in denial.  There won't be anymore nights laying on mom's bed chatting.   I don't know if they'll remember these evenings or not.  I do hope they will know that I love them fiercely with all that I have in me and that being their mom is by far the coolest thing I ever did.

 

   

Childhood Memories and Heavenly Promptings

When I was in junior high and high school there were a few times when going to school was not going to happen.  It was usually after a particularly difficult week with classes and assignments that I would hit a wall.   Because of my mom's poor health it was always my dad who got us all up and going in the mornings.  My mom would handle things with us after school.  But, my dad would wake me up for school, take one look at me and he just knew that I would be staying home.  Now, keep in mind, this happened very rarely, in fact, I can probably count the number of times this happened on one hand.  I'm sure that's the only reason I got away with it.  It seemed I would sleep until 10:30 or 11:00 and then my mom would wake me up and tell me to get ready to go.  Then she would take me to lunch or to shop together.  Looking back, I'm guessing she knew what I really needed and took advantage of the time we had to be together, just the two of us. 

Fast forward more years than I care to count, to this past Thursday.  Ethan was up getting ready for school and I immediately recognized that look in his face that I used to have.  Before he even opened his mouth, I knew he wouldn't be going to school.  The only problem was that I HAD to be at work that day and so did Jared.  So, I set him up in his room with a cell phone, some books and a remote control helicopter.  Whether we liked it or not, this little guy was going to have to stay home by himself for three hours.  Now, please don't judge me for leaving him home alone.  I have enough of my own guilt because of this for all of us, so let's leave that for another day and another blog post.

He slept the first hour and a half that I was gone and then he began texting me.  At first, he was trying to trick me into thinking he was Abby, then he was telling me jokes.  I found out later he was texting Jared as well.  The kid really is funny.  He never ceases to make me laugh.

About 45 minutes before I was scheduled to leave to come home, I remembered those days when I would stay home from school.  I thought about Ethan and his great need for a mental health day and knew what I needed to do.  I called Ethan on my way home and told him to get ready to go.  Then we headed to our favorite spot, Rita's,

We talked all the way to Rita's, while we ate our delicious frozen custard and then on the way home.  I learned so many things about him and his new found interests.  For example, I always knew he wanted to be a Major League soccer player, but on Thursday I learned that if that doesn't work out he would like to be a comedian.  Get this, in his own words, "I think being a comedian might be hard on a family since comedians work at night, so if that doesn't work out I would like to be a doctor, a pilot or a car designer."  He also told me about all the places he would like to go on his mission.  He told me some more jokes and we had such fun laughing together.  When we got home he gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks, Mom.  We haven't been able to do something just the two of us in a long time.  That was really fun."  I couldn't agree more. 

I don't know if it's just me or if it's because he's my only son or if all moms of little boys feel this way, but there is a special place in my heart for only this little guy.  He is so sweet, kind mischievous, funny and caring.  He has such a big heart and it makes me melt inside.   It's incredibly amazing and wonderful to me that we have a loving Heavenly Father that is so involved in the details of our lives.  I'm so grateful for the prompting he sent me to spend some extra time with my little man and so grateful that I chose to listen.

There Is No Better Friend Than A Sister

When I was a child, we spent a lot of time visiting my mom's family in Las Vegas.  We also had lots of times when her family would visit us in Utah.  It was always fun to see our aunt, uncles and cousins.  We especially loved it when Ron and Carol would come.  They had kids our ages and it seemed we never tired of playing together.  Many of my favorite childhood memories are of experiences we shared.  (I'll refrain from sharing them here, as I don't want to give my children any ideas.)  One thing I always loved was watching my mom and my Aunt Carol together.

My mom is sitting to the right of my grandmother, Carol is directly behind her.  As sisters, they were one and the same.  It seemed they had the same opinions and taste in everything.  For example, they both bought the exact same piano, while living in different states and without speaking to the other about it.  It's freaky how many times things like this happened with them.  All that aside though, they shared an incredible bond as sisters that would be difficult to rival.  When they were together, there was never a lull in the conversation, their voices sounded exactly the same, their opinions rarely differed and they loved each other fiercely.  They spent hours shopping when they were together and hours talking on the phone when they were apart.  This is the example of sisterhood that I grew up with.

I was blessed with one sister.  Though we don't sound exactly the same and our taste is different, we both love shopping for hours and chatting for hours. (Though, since we only live a mile apart it's rarely on the phone.)  She has been my partner in crime, has helped me out of numerous scrapes, we have laughed together, she has listened when I've been frustrated or angry, and been a shoulder to cry on more times than I can count.  Heavenly Father knew what he was doing when he sent her to our family.  He knew I would need her for my sister, and for this I'm truly grateful.

When Jenna was born we were so ecstatic, as I'm sure all new parents are.  But, when Abby came I was thrilled to know that Jenna had a sister.  Jenna was just as thrilled.  From the moment she laid eyes on that chubby bundle she was smitten.  She loved everything about her new little sister.  She would lay in the crib next to Abby and talk to her every morning, she would tell Abby every move she was making, she wanted to feed her, change her and play with her non-stop.  As Abby grew they became inseparable.  You never saw two sisters who loved each other more than they did.  That didn't change when Sadie joined their twosome.  It seemed there was room for one more sister and together they lovingly doted on her every need and whim. 

Have you seen the movie, Frozen?  If you haven't, please go see it.  I promise, you won't be disappointed.  I know it will come as no surprise to those of you who know me, but I cried through about half of that movie.  It's all about two sisters who desperately love each other, but circumstances have kept them apart.  Is there anything more awesome than when they are standing in the ice castle and Anna sings, "For the first time in forever, I finally understand.  For the first time in forever, we can fix this hand in hand.  Because for the first time in forever, I will be right here."  I love this declaration!  She's saying, I'm your sister, I love you, we can do anything together!

But even more than that, I love the ending.  When one act of true love was needed, we didn't turn to the handsome guy.  Ultimately, Anna's love for her sister Elsa produced the one act of true love that would save them all.  Elsa exclaims, "You sacrificed yourself for me?"  And Anna replies, "I love you."  Hand in hand, they were able to fix it.  I love this bond between sisters, this love that can give us the strength to face seemingly anything.  So, there I sat in that dark theater, crying my eyes out. 

I confess I haven't been able to get this touching movie out of my mind.  I find that I'm more grateful than before for the example of great sisterhood that my mom and aunt unknowingly showed me and for the sister I have been blessed with.  Truthfully though, I've spent a lot of time hoping and praying that my girls will share that same wonderful bond as sisters.  You see, Jenna is 14 now and Abby is 12 and Sadie is 7. 

While I know they love each other, there are times in these adorable girl's lives when they bicker and fight.  And while I realize this is normal for girls this age, I pray with my whole heart that they will develop a relationship and a love for each other that will span the ages.  A relationship that they can rejoice in throughout the eternities.  I pray that someday I will be blessed to see them shop together for hours, talk on the phone for hours, laugh together, cry together and take care of each other like only a sister can.  Because the fact is, there is no better friend than a sister.

Merry Christmas!

Jared and I spend a lot of time during the Christmas season teaching our littles about the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  After all, He is the reason we have Christmas.  I have been a little frustrated with my little Sadie this year, as I have felt she is missing the point with all things related to Christmas.  Sunday, in Relief Society, the sister who was teaching our lesson was talking about this very thing.  She was telling about working so hard to teach her littles about the birth of Jesus Christ.  In December her home teachers came and, of course, asked the children why we have Christmas.  They all replied with, "presents"!  I could totally relate to her as she spoke of her frustration.  Then she said something that I really needed to hear.  She said, "It took me a while to learn that the children had to learn the right answer, so they could give the right answer, but also so they could feel the right answer in their hearts."  It struck me so deeply that I cried.  In my head, I often compare Sadie to my other girls.  I have spent a lot of time this month doing this very thing.  However, in my comparing I have forgotten one incredibly important thing.  She is seven, they are twelve and fourteen.  Just like we learn line upon line, she too, will learn line upon line.  Here a little, there a little.  It's my job to just keep teaching her and to be patient with her, remembering that she's still little.

Every Christmas Eve I share a story with my family that I read in a book by Emily Freeman.  She tells of her young family when they had just two children.  They could not afford to purchase a manger scene, but she wanted one so badly that she took a small job for a few afternoons to save the money for one.  She purchased a porcelain set that portrayed children dressed in nativity clothes.  She brought it home, set it up in their family room and explained to her two small children that they couldn't touch the set because it was quite fragile.  The following morning she came down the stairs to find all the figurines squished into the manger haphazardly.  She patiently fixed the arrangement and called her young son, Caleb in to again explain that he could not touch the set.  She says, "Caleb was such an obedient child, he always had been, and I knew this would not happen again."  She continues, "Imagine my surprise when I walked down the stairs the next morning and found the scene in the same disarray as the morning before.  This time I went right in and got Caleb.  Setting him in front of the displaced nativity I asked, Did you touch the manger?  He looked up at me with his round blue eyes and replied, "Yes."  I asked him, do you remember you're not supposed to touch Mommy's manger?  Again the reply was the same, "Yes."  Then why did you touch it, I questioned.  "Because they can't see Jesus," was his simple reply.   I looked carefully at the manger and realized that perhaps there was some order to the disarray.  His clumsy little hands had tried to place every figure in a circle around the most important piece of the set--the baby in the manger.  Crowded into the small stable, each had a perfect view of the baby.  Everyone could see Jesus.  It was a profound lesson  Needless to say, the display remained that way for the rest of the season, and has every year since then.  Interestingly, once each of the figures had been carefully placed in a circle around the baby, Caleb never touched the set again.  He was content with the arrangement.  The most important figure had become the focus."

I love this story, I read it every year at the beginning of the season as a reminder to myself to make Christ be the focus of my heart.  While the gifts, baking and family gatherings are such an important part of the season, I want to always remember to put my heart where it matters most.  This season has been a different one for me.  I chose to do some things to make the month more simple.  It turned out to be the best thing I could do.  I have been blessed with many peaceful evenings in my little living room to ponder the teachings of my Savior and His love for me.  It has been a great blessing to me.

I hope this Christmas season has been as enjoyable for all of you as it has been for me.  Christmas fills my heart with gratitude for that tiny babe in Bethlehem.  I am eternally grateful for His life, His example and His love that he showed when he made the ultimate sacrifice for me and you.  May you feel His peace and love for all of you this Christmas season and always is my prayer.

Merry Christmas!  Love the Walkers

Mary, The Handmaid of the Lord

We learned about Mary tonight during family home evening.  Maybe it's because I'm a mother that I love to read and ponder about Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ.  I'm fascinated by this woman who, at such a young age, was visited by an angel and given the responsibility of being a mother to the son of God.  As I was reading in Luke yesterday I was struck by a few verses.  In Luke 1:46 it starts, "My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hatch rejoiced in God my Savior.  For he that is mighty hath done to me great things and holy is his name."   I'm most certainly not a scholar on what Luke meant by these verses, but it sounded to me like Mary was bearing her testimony.  I love that we have this testimony of hers in our scriptures to draw strength from. 

I took a minute to tell my kids how Mary pondered after the birth of the Savior.  In Luke it tells of Christ's birth and then follows with all the visitors that came.  Angels proclaimed the birth to the shepherds, the shepherds came and worshipped the new babe and then went abroad sharing the good news.  After this is when it says,  "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart."  This time when I read this verse I immediately thought of the births of each of my children.  It seems after a new baby is born you are visited by scores of people.  The happy grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and, of course, any siblings.  With each one of my children, after all the visitors went home and Jared left the hospital for the night, I would sit in the hospital and hold my newest little bundle.  I would marvel at all their little fingers and toes, and stare at their sweet little faces and kiss their little heads.  I remember being so grateful that they had arrived safely, as it seemed most of my deliveries were cursed with some difficulty or another.  I remember thinking how close they were to heaven.  They had just left the presence of Heavenly Father, and I always wondered if they could still see beyond the veil. 

I can't help but wonder if Mary had some of those same thoughts.  As she held her new son, the son of God, did she marvel at the miracle He was?  Did she cuddle him and kiss his little head and thank a loving Heavenly Father that he had arrived safely.  I wonder if she knew what he would ultimately do for all of us.  Did she know He would give his life so that others might live?  I'm sure she knew of His divine mission and possibly held him a little closer and a little tighter, knowing his would not be an easy road. 

How grateful I am for the example of Mary, a loving and devoted mother and daughter of God.  She was a most righteous woman and a powerful example of good.  We finished our family night by pondering and each of us sharing.  If we had been given the opportunity to be present the night of Jesus Christ's birth, who would we have wanted to be and why?  The children's answers vary every year.  I love to hear who they would choose.  I feel like it's a tiny little insight into who they are and what they have become across the year.  It puts a smile on my face and fills my heart with warmth and gladness.  I am truly blessed to be a mother, the greatest job in the world.

**Picture She Shall Bring Forth A Son, by Liz Lemon Swindle**