Jared and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary yesterday. It's hard to believe we've been married that long. In some ways it seems like we have been married forever and in other ways it seems like we are still young marrieds embarking on a new journey that we know nothing about. I was 23 when we got married. I had worked, gone to school, lived on my own and honestly, felt like I had a pretty good grasp on reality. We had been told by several people that the first year of marriage is terrible. Learning to live with each other, it seemed, would be one of the hardest experiences of our lives. It turns out that all the naysayers were wrong about us. The first year of our marriage was awesome. I worked full time and Jared went to school each day, worked part time and studied in the evenings. We had didn't have money troubles, kids, demanding callings, health struggles or so many other trials that some have to deal with. Truthfully, I spent the first couple of months waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. At the risk of sounding ridiculously cheesy, we really were blissfully happy. I have often thought back to that first year and wondered why some couples struggle so much. I don't really know, I suppose everybody is just different and therefore our experiences will be different. All I know, is that I look back on our first year with a great deal of happiness.
While Jared and I have always been in love and committed to our marriage, things didn't stay easy and blissful. We eventually began to have money struggles, kids, demanding callings and some health issues that needed to be addressed. Life was hectic and crazy and like so many others, we struggled to make our marriage a priority. It wasn't that all those other things were more important than our marriage, those other things just seemed to be more in our faces. We had littles that needed us for everything, jobs to do, church responsibilities, laundry, meals, sickness and any number of other exhausting things. By the end of the day it seemed there was little left to give. However, somewhere along the way, we figured out that if we wanted to always be in love and fully committed to each other, we had to put forth the effort to stay that way.
I spent most of yesterday thinking about our life together. I thought about the hard times, the good times and everything in between. When Jared and I went to dinner last night I asked him what he thought was the secret to a happy marriage. "Spending time together. In spending time together we communicate and make sure we have time for each other." I wholeheartedly agreed. Take time for your spouses. This is the person you have chosen to spend eternity with. While there are millions of good things to fill your time with, make sure you are making time for your spouse. We have four children, I know it can be hard to put your spouse first when littles need you for so much. But remember, before long all the littles aren't so little anymore and they move away to have lives of their own. You don't want to find out then that you're married to a stranger.
Just before Abby was born, we moved into a tiny apartment in South Provo. I can't tell you how much we loved the ward we attended. I also can't tell you how difficult those two years were for us. I can't speak for Jared, but looking back, I think they were two of the hardest years of my life. I won't bore you with all the details, but there were many days I wondered if we were going to make it. One of the many Sundays I stayed home from church with a sick Abby, Jared came home and told me of a challenge that our bishop had issued. He had challenged the couples in our ward to read the scriptures together every single day. He said even if you only read one verse, read together every single day. Jared had decided that we were going to do it. I don't remember anymore what Abby was sick with that day, it seemed she was always sick with something. I just remember that my discouragement seemed insurmountable. The thought of adding one more thing to my day was almost more than I could take, nevertheless, I begrudgingly agreed.
I didn't notice a difference right away. In all honesty, I didn't notice a difference for a long, long, long, long time. Then one day, not too long ago it hit me. In twelve years, we have not missed one single night of reading our scriptures together. It isn't always a full chapter, sometimes it really is only one verse. In fact, the night Ethan was born we were at the hospital and Jared was getting ready to go home to be with our little girls. Just before he left, he reminded me that we hadn't read our scriptures. After nine hours of labor and a traumatic delivery that almost didn't end well, I said, "I think Heavenly Father will forgive us if we miss one night, Jared." He came back with, "Yes, that's true, but do we really want this to be the night we miss?" He proceeded to recite a scripture verse he had memorized so that wouldn't be the night we missed. Now, I don't tell you this to boast. In fact, that is the last thing I would want to do. I will tell you though, that I know the Book of Mormon to be the word of God and I know the prophets speak truth when they tell me that I will be blessed by reading and studying the words contained in that book. As we stay close to our Heavenly Father through scripture study, prayer and temple attendance we are led by the Holy Ghost in the ways we should live. I know that one of the main reasons we have such a happy marriage is because of this. I know we have both been led on how to best handle situations and care for one another because we took this challenge so many years ago.
Please don't interpret this to mean that our lives have been perfect.
They are far from perfect. I don't think our marriage is perfect
either. We still have disagreements and we still undoubtedly irritate each other from time to time. I'm sure many on the outside looking in would have lots of
things to say about how we do things. However, at the end of the day, I'm so grateful for the gift our marriage is to me. I'm thankful for a husband who loves and honors me. I read a thought about marriage recently credited to F. Burton Howard that sums up my feelings perfectly. He said,
"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently.
You shield it and protect it, you never abuse it. You don't expose it
to the elements. You don't make it common or ordinary. If it ever
becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It
becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful
and precious as time goes by."
I will forever be thankful for the beautiful and precious marriage Heavenly Father has given to me.
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