Years later I found my prince and he did sweep me off my feet. We were married for time and all eternity in the LDS temple and I felt certain that it was the beginning of my "happily ever after" fairy tale.
Before I proceed, please know that I am deeply in love with my husband, Jared. My life would be incomplete without him. He is all I dreamed of in a husband and I couldn't ask for a better companion for myself or father for my children. Still, over time, I'm sorry to say, I came to hate the phrase, "happily ever after". You see, I didn't feel like my life defined "happily ever after".
I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I always imagined that when I had children we would spend our days in blissful playtime. I would always have a fresh batch of cookies available, we would spend afternoons at the park, go to story time at the library, and never would a cross word escape my mouth. The children would be incredibly kind to one another and, in short, things would always be blissful. On top of having my perfect children, I would also have a perfect husband. After all, I was going to be the perfect wife and mother, the perfect husband was absolutely a no brainer. Looking back, I can't help but wonder what I was thinking!!!!
The fact is, life was hard. Like so many others, we had small children, we struggled financially, there was laundry to do, a house to keep clean and seemingly endless meals to prepare. There were nights with no sleep, days with constant crying and whining, (and not just the kid's crying and whining) and plenty of times when we wondered if we would have the money we needed to survive. We weren't so different from others, but I felt like it was so hard!
In fairness, there was plenty of happiness, it seems that I just dwelt on all of the hard things that went with motherhood and wifehood. (Is wifehood even a word?) Sadly, I spent a lot of time being unhappy and overwhelmed. It seemed that "happily ever after" was indeed a fairy tale and something that I would never experience.
I'm not sure when I realized how much of my time was spent in disillusionment. I do know that when I came to this realization I was surprised. Ultimately, I had all I ever wanted. I had a great husband and great kids, yet I spent so much of my time being unhappy with that which I had always wanted.
I decided then and there to do some serious soul searching. I realized that being a mom is, by far, the hardest thing I do. Nothing is more demanding of me mentally, physically and emotionally. With that said, there is also nothing I do that's more cool than being a mom and a wife. I discovered that life wasn't what I thought it would be, but it was still amazing. My attitude changed and thus my definition of "happily ever after" changed as well.
Now, I'm not going to tell you that I've discovered that everything about motherhood is roses and rainbows, I don't think anybody sane would say that! I still have sleepless nights, though now I'm up worrying about the choices my kids will make instead of walking crying babies. There are still days filled with a certain seven year old whining, the laundry is still there, the house is still in need of cleaning and everyone still thinks that they need to eat EVERY SINGLE DAY! Truthfully, there's almost never a fresh batch of cookies, (or any cookies for that matter) my kids are either too cool for the park or don't want to go and they've gotten too big for story time at the library.
My kids are older now, maybe that has helped to change my perspective some. However, I've learned that part of "happily ever after" is learning to enjoy the journey, even on the days that the journey stinks. I've also learned to enjoy my children for who they are. They don't need to be just like me, they don't need to be anybody but themselves.
It turns out that my life isn't perfect. Nope, there's no perfect mom, no perfect dad and no perfect kids at this house, and I'm okay with it. I'm glad I finally figured out that this is my "happily ever after."
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