Last year May 19 was a Saturday. I remember it well. Jared and I were sitting at the table eating breakfast. The weather was beautiful so the kids had already run off to the backyard to play. Jared's brother, Loren, had been staying with us for the week. He, too, was outside playing with the kids. I had helped my dad place my mom in hospice care earlier in the week.
Jared and I had taken our kids down to say their goodbyes to my mom on Friday afternoon. My mom couldn't speak much at this point. She was in severe pain and her oxygen levels were so low that it took great effort to speak. However, she hugged each of my children one by one and told them that she loved them. As we were leaving, my mom grabbed my hand and pulled me to her side. Jared saw this and stepped out into the hall with the kids. She pulled her oxygen mask off and told me to sit beside her. I did and she pulled me close and said, "I need you to know how proud I am of you and I need to tell you that I love you. Do you know that I love you?" I told her that I did know that she loved me. She finished by saying, "I love you so much, Stacy." Those were the last words I ever heard her say to me. I spent all of Friday evening at the nursing home with my dad, my sister and my Uncle Larry and Aunt Darla. Other friends and family came through that night as well. She didn't speak at all that night. She listened as we all visited with her. She nodded her head to answer questions, she smiled and at one point she even laughed at Lisa and I teasing our dad.
So, that Saturday morning one year ago, Jared and I ate breakfast and made our plans for the day. Jared was going to work in the yard with the kids and Loren. I was going to spend the day at the nursing home with my mom.
That's when the phone rang. It was my dad telling me the news. My mom had passed away just 20 minutes earlier. I told him I'd be right over and hung up the phone. I turned to Jared and collapsed into his arms sobbing. I eventually pulled myself together and went over to see my dad.
I picked up my sister along the way and when we arrived at my dad's house we were met by my Uncle Steve and Aunt Nancy. They would prove to be a huge strength to the three of us that morning. We went over to the nursing home and cleaned out her room, we scheduled a meeting with the mortuary, we spoke with numberless family members, we began funeral arrangements, etc. My brothers would arrive in town later that day and late that night. It was a busy and incredibly emotionally exhausting day.
The week would continue in the same exhausting manner. We were blessed with amazing friends and ward members that offered so much support. Some of them brought us meals, others called and gave support, others dropped by little treats and snacks, we even received emails from ward members offering love and support. We also felt the prayers of our dear friends and family and the spirit of the Lord helping us through the week.
I can't say enough about how amazing and what a strength Jared was to me. He took the whole week off work and ran the entire household. He took care of kids, homework, cooking, cleaning and laundry. I would leave each morning to take care of many different things. He would call me often throughout the day to check in on how things were going and if I was eating and what I needed from him. He would hold me at night while I cried. When my dad asked me to speak at the funeral, Jared helped me write the most difficult talk I've given in my life up to this point. He was truly amazing. I know I couldn't have made it through that difficult week without him.
So, today marks one year since my mom passed away. I still miss her everyday. We've made it through all the firsts without her. I won't lie, it's been hard. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to call her and tell her something funny one of the kids said or express frustration about my day or ask her for some parenting advice. However, I'm glad she hasn't had to suffer anymore.
We got together tonight as a family for dinner and to remember our mom. We went to the cemetery and told things we loved about her. My sweet little Ethan remembered her love for everyone. It melted my heart. If there's anything I would want my children to remember about her it would be her great love for them. She truly loved being a Grandma with her whole being. My dad asked us to song I Am A Child of God together so we did. Then everyone released one balloon in her honor.
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