Jared and I spend a lot of time during the Christmas season teaching our littles about the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. After all, He is the reason we have Christmas. I have been a little frustrated with my little Sadie this year, as I have felt she is missing the point with all things related to Christmas. Sunday, in Relief Society, the sister who was teaching our lesson was talking about this very thing. She was telling about working so hard to teach her littles about the birth of Jesus Christ. In December her home teachers came and, of course, asked the children why we have Christmas. They all replied with, "presents"! I could totally relate to her as she spoke of her frustration. Then she said something that I really needed to hear. She said, "It took me a while to learn that the children had to learn the right answer, so they could give the right answer, but also so they could feel the right answer in their hearts." It struck me so deeply that I cried. In my head, I often compare Sadie to my other girls. I have spent a lot of time this month doing this very thing. However, in my comparing I have forgotten one incredibly important thing. She is seven, they are twelve and fourteen. Just like we learn line upon line, she too, will learn line upon line. Here a little, there a little. It's my job to just keep teaching her and to be patient with her, remembering that she's still little.
Every Christmas Eve I share a story with my family that I read in a book by Emily Freeman. She tells of her young family when they had just two children. They could not afford to purchase a manger scene, but she wanted one so badly that she took a small job for a few afternoons to save the money for one. She purchased a porcelain set that portrayed children dressed in nativity clothes. She brought it home, set it up in their family room and explained to her two small children that they couldn't touch the set because it was quite fragile. The following morning she came down the stairs to find all the figurines squished into the manger haphazardly. She patiently fixed the arrangement and called her young son, Caleb in to again explain that he could not touch the set. She says, "Caleb was such an obedient child, he always had been, and I knew this would not happen again." She continues, "Imagine my surprise when I walked down the stairs the next morning and found the scene in the same disarray as the morning before. This time I went right in and got Caleb. Setting him in front of the displaced nativity I asked, Did you touch the manger? He looked up at me with his round blue eyes and replied, "Yes." I asked him, do you remember you're not supposed to touch Mommy's manger? Again the reply was the same, "Yes." Then why did you touch it, I questioned. "Because they can't see Jesus," was his simple reply. I looked carefully at the manger and realized that perhaps there was some order to the disarray. His clumsy little hands had tried to place every figure in a circle around the most important piece of the set--the baby in the manger. Crowded into the small stable, each had a perfect view of the baby. Everyone could see Jesus. It was a profound lesson Needless to say, the display remained that way for the rest of the season, and has every year since then. Interestingly, once each of the figures had been carefully placed in a circle around the baby, Caleb never touched the set again. He was content with the arrangement. The most important figure had become the focus."
I love this story, I read it every year at the beginning of the season as a reminder to myself to make Christ be the focus of my heart. While the gifts, baking and family gatherings are such an important part of the season, I want to always remember to put my heart where it matters most. This season has been a different one for me. I chose to do some things to make the month more simple. It turned out to be the best thing I could do. I have been blessed with many peaceful evenings in my little living room to ponder the teachings of my Savior and His love for me. It has been a great blessing to me.
I hope this Christmas season has been as enjoyable for all of you as it has been for me. Christmas fills my heart with gratitude for that tiny babe in Bethlehem. I am eternally grateful for His life, His example and His love that he showed when he made the ultimate sacrifice for me and you. May you feel His peace and love for all of you this Christmas season and always is my prayer.
Merry Christmas! Love the Walkers
Walker Family
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Monday, December 16, 2013
Mary, The Handmaid of the Lord
We learned about Mary tonight during family home evening. Maybe it's because I'm a mother that I love to read and ponder about Mary, the mother of Jesus Christ. I'm fascinated by this woman who, at such a young age, was visited by an angel and given the responsibility of being a mother to the son of God. As I was reading in Luke yesterday I was struck by a few verses. In Luke 1:46 it starts, "My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hatch rejoiced in God my Savior. For he that is mighty hath done to me great things and holy is his name." I'm most certainly not a scholar on what Luke meant by these verses, but it sounded to me like Mary was bearing her testimony. I love that we have this testimony of hers in our scriptures to draw strength from.
I took a minute to tell my kids how Mary pondered after the birth of the Savior. In Luke it tells of Christ's birth and then follows with all the visitors that came. Angels proclaimed the birth to the shepherds, the shepherds came and worshipped the new babe and then went abroad sharing the good news. After this is when it says, "But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." This time when I read this verse I immediately thought of the births of each of my children. It seems after a new baby is born you are visited by scores of people. The happy grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and, of course, any siblings. With each one of my children, after all the visitors went home and Jared left the hospital for the night, I would sit in the hospital and hold my newest little bundle. I would marvel at all their little fingers and toes, and stare at their sweet little faces and kiss their little heads. I remember being so grateful that they had arrived safely, as it seemed most of my deliveries were cursed with some difficulty or another. I remember thinking how close they were to heaven. They had just left the presence of Heavenly Father, and I always wondered if they could still see beyond the veil.
I can't help but wonder if Mary had some of those same thoughts. As she held her new son, the son of God, did she marvel at the miracle He was? Did she cuddle him and kiss his little head and thank a loving Heavenly Father that he had arrived safely. I wonder if she knew what he would ultimately do for all of us. Did she know He would give his life so that others might live? I'm sure she knew of His divine mission and possibly held him a little closer and a little tighter, knowing his would not be an easy road.
How grateful I am for the example of Mary, a loving and devoted mother and daughter of God. She was a most righteous woman and a powerful example of good. We finished our family night by pondering and each of us sharing. If we had been given the opportunity to be present the night of Jesus Christ's birth, who would we have wanted to be and why? The children's answers vary every year. I love to hear who they would choose. I feel like it's a tiny little insight into who they are and what they have become across the year. It puts a smile on my face and fills my heart with warmth and gladness. I am truly blessed to be a mother, the greatest job in the world.
**Picture She Shall Bring Forth A Son, by Liz Lemon Swindle**
Monday, December 9, 2013
I Was Not His Father, He Was Mine
Each year we spend several nights during December talking about different people who were present at the birth of Jesus Christ. It's a tradition we started a few years ago that we have come to love. I love studying about Christ's birth and I love sharing the things I learn with my cute little family.
Tonight we discussed Joseph, the earthly father of Jesus Christ. We imagined how he must have felt wandering through Bethlehem looking for a place for he and Mary to stay. I asked the everyone how they thought he felt. Jared said, "inadequate" and Ethan said, "sad". I think they were both right. I think there were probably many times in Joseph's life that he felt inadequate and sad. His was not an easy calling. Yet, he didn't shirk from his duties. I definitely think there is a lesson to be learned there. Even when times are difficult and we're sad, when we feel inadequate to accomplish the task that has been placed before us, we turn our face towards God and through Him all things are possible.
We also discussed how Joseph was filled with a serving heart. He surely spent that night serving Mary and the newborn Christ child. His service certainly didn't end there. He spent his life serving this child that technically wasn't even his son. What love he must have had for our Heavenly Father and what love he must have had for our Savior. Surely he is a man to be honored and revered.
We began a new tradition in our home tonight. I have given one of our children a Christmas jingle bell to use as their symbol of service. They will do a secret act of service for someone in our family. When they are finished they will leave the jingle bell on that person's pillow and then it will be their turn to do an act of service. Why are we doing this, you might ask. When we were discussing tonight I asked everyone what Jesus would want us to give this season and Ethan said, "Kindness and our hearts". I couldn't agree more.
(Above picture by Simon Dewey)
Sunday, November 10, 2013
Behold Your Little Ones
The primary program was today in our ward. For those of you who don't know we are members of the LDS church. In our church there is one meeting each year when the primary aged children (ages 3-11) spend the hour teaching the ward the things they have learned in primary that year. I have always loved the primary program. Even 100 years ago when I was in primary I loved the program. Today was no exception.
I'm always moved to tears as these little children stand and recite scriptures and tidbits they have learned. They sing songs about the concepts they have discussed all year. In short, they offer testimonies of Jesus Christ and His restored gospel on the earth through words and music. It's quite inspiring.
I sat watching and listening today thinking about how blessed we are to be members of the true church of God on the earth. These children are being raised to know that God loves them and they are His children. What a great anchor for our children in a world that is filled with uncertainty. I wept as they sang these words:
If the Savior stood beside me,
would I do the things I do?
Would I think of His commandments,
and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example?
Would I live more righteously
If I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me?
He is always near me,
though I do not see Him there,
And because He loves me dearly,
I am in His watchful care.
So I'll be the kind of person
that I know I'd like to be
If I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me.
When the children were finished with their program, the bishop stood and shared a scripture from The Book of Mormon. It's a verse in 3rd Nephi when Jesus Christ visits the people in the Americas after His resurrection. It reads:
He took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them. And when he had done this he wept again; And he spake unto the multitude and said unto them: Behold your little ones.
I truly believe we can learn much from a child. I know that today my testimony in Jesus Christ, my Savior and the Redeemer of the world was strengthened by a primary full of Heavenly Father's little children.
I'm always moved to tears as these little children stand and recite scriptures and tidbits they have learned. They sing songs about the concepts they have discussed all year. In short, they offer testimonies of Jesus Christ and His restored gospel on the earth through words and music. It's quite inspiring.
I sat watching and listening today thinking about how blessed we are to be members of the true church of God on the earth. These children are being raised to know that God loves them and they are His children. What a great anchor for our children in a world that is filled with uncertainty. I wept as they sang these words:
If the Savior stood beside me,
would I do the things I do?
Would I think of His commandments,
and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example?
Would I live more righteously
If I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me?
He is always near me,
though I do not see Him there,
And because He loves me dearly,
I am in His watchful care.
So I'll be the kind of person
that I know I'd like to be
If I could see the Savior standing nigh,
watching over me.
When the children were finished with their program, the bishop stood and shared a scripture from The Book of Mormon. It's a verse in 3rd Nephi when Jesus Christ visits the people in the Americas after His resurrection. It reads:
He took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them. And when he had done this he wept again; And he spake unto the multitude and said unto them: Behold your little ones.
I truly believe we can learn much from a child. I know that today my testimony in Jesus Christ, my Savior and the Redeemer of the world was strengthened by a primary full of Heavenly Father's little children.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Lessons I Learned From My Dad
My dad turned 70 this week. I have been thinking about it for a while, I
mean a person doesn't turn 70 everyday! I've spent a lot
of time thinking about the stories he has told us about his life and
about growing up with him as my father.
He really is such an amazing man and I have learned so much from him.
One thing my dad always did was be present in our lives. He attended countless sporting events we participated in, piano recitals, choir concerts, young women's programs, scouting events and the list goes on. He was always there cheering us on. If it was important to one of his kids, it was important to him. He would stay up late (sometimes half the night) to help with school projects that had been procrastinated until the last moment. He was just always there. Once I moved away from home I would often go to his office on BYU campus just to see him and talk to him. I knew whatever he had going on would be set aside for a moment so we could spend a minute visiting with me.
My dad loves music. He was often singing around our house. In fact, he sang with Young Ambassadors at BYU when he was a student there a million years ago. ;) I used to love sitting next to him in sacrament meeting at church so I could hear his awesome voice. He plays the guitar and would play and sing for us as kids. My brother, Dave, and my dad enjoy playing together occasionally now. I was reminded not too long ago of waking in the mornings as a teenager. My dad would come upstairs singing the BYU fight song at the top of his lungs in order to wake three sleepy teenage children for school. I remember hating that so much! Then, I moved away and I was forced to wake up to an alarm clock. Deep inside, I missed that little wake up song because I finally saw how much he poured his love for us into that silly song.
Faith in God and in His plan for us. Nobody has more faith than my dad. He didn't just teach us the concept of faith, he lived his life with his faith on his sleeve. His faith and love for the gospel was displayed verbally and also quietly, but clearly in his everyday actions. Many mornings I would come downstairs and see his scriptures sitting out where he had been reading them. He always found a way to kindly convince us that we wanted to watch all four sessions of General Conference in April and October. He would sit quietly taking notes of each of the speaker's talks. When my mom began to get sick his faith was ever present. At times, I have wondered if he must have been discouraged by the illness that was robbing him of his wife, however, there was never any indication of discouragement. He continued on ever faithful in a loving Heavenly Father and His plan for our family.
My dad, really both of my parents, taught me to see the good in people. I cannot remember a single time when my parents have spoken ill of somebody else. It just wasn't done. My dad found value in all he came in contact with. Everyone was always welcome in our home. If it was dinner time and friends were over, they weren't sent home, they were invited to join us. Every Sunday night we had a house full of friends and family. I hope to have a home just like this.
My dad has a great sense of humor. There was always teasing and jokes at our house. There's still rarely a time when we're together that some teasing doesn't go on. One funny thing I remember from my childhood is toilet papering people's homes. My mom didn't think it was safe for her two girls to go out toilet papering late at night. My dad didn't think we should miss out on this opportunity so he would take me and my friends and wait in the car for us.
Sis. Elaine Dalton quoted President McKay as saying, "The most important thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother." Nobody ever showed more love for their spouse than my dad for my mom. His love for her was like nothing I have ever witnessed. He was a devoted, fiercely loyal and loving husband. Their life together took them down many roads. They were blessed with many happy years surrounded by family and friends. My dad adored my mother constantly. He always called her "Coach" as he felt she was always helping him to be a better person. Later in their marriage, through years of illness he was always by her side being her biggest support and offering a seemingly endless supply of love. The night before she died he leaned down to her in bed, kissed her and said, "I love you, Coach." I will forever have that memory of the two of them imprinted in my mind and on my heart.
As you can see, my dad is a pretty remarkable man. Honestly, he's my hero. He always has and always will hold a very special place in my heart. I love you, Dad.
Stacy
One thing my dad always did was be present in our lives. He attended countless sporting events we participated in, piano recitals, choir concerts, young women's programs, scouting events and the list goes on. He was always there cheering us on. If it was important to one of his kids, it was important to him. He would stay up late (sometimes half the night) to help with school projects that had been procrastinated until the last moment. He was just always there. Once I moved away from home I would often go to his office on BYU campus just to see him and talk to him. I knew whatever he had going on would be set aside for a moment so we could spend a minute visiting with me.
My dad loves music. He was often singing around our house. In fact, he sang with Young Ambassadors at BYU when he was a student there a million years ago. ;) I used to love sitting next to him in sacrament meeting at church so I could hear his awesome voice. He plays the guitar and would play and sing for us as kids. My brother, Dave, and my dad enjoy playing together occasionally now. I was reminded not too long ago of waking in the mornings as a teenager. My dad would come upstairs singing the BYU fight song at the top of his lungs in order to wake three sleepy teenage children for school. I remember hating that so much! Then, I moved away and I was forced to wake up to an alarm clock. Deep inside, I missed that little wake up song because I finally saw how much he poured his love for us into that silly song.
Faith in God and in His plan for us. Nobody has more faith than my dad. He didn't just teach us the concept of faith, he lived his life with his faith on his sleeve. His faith and love for the gospel was displayed verbally and also quietly, but clearly in his everyday actions. Many mornings I would come downstairs and see his scriptures sitting out where he had been reading them. He always found a way to kindly convince us that we wanted to watch all four sessions of General Conference in April and October. He would sit quietly taking notes of each of the speaker's talks. When my mom began to get sick his faith was ever present. At times, I have wondered if he must have been discouraged by the illness that was robbing him of his wife, however, there was never any indication of discouragement. He continued on ever faithful in a loving Heavenly Father and His plan for our family.
My dad, really both of my parents, taught me to see the good in people. I cannot remember a single time when my parents have spoken ill of somebody else. It just wasn't done. My dad found value in all he came in contact with. Everyone was always welcome in our home. If it was dinner time and friends were over, they weren't sent home, they were invited to join us. Every Sunday night we had a house full of friends and family. I hope to have a home just like this.
My dad has a great sense of humor. There was always teasing and jokes at our house. There's still rarely a time when we're together that some teasing doesn't go on. One funny thing I remember from my childhood is toilet papering people's homes. My mom didn't think it was safe for her two girls to go out toilet papering late at night. My dad didn't think we should miss out on this opportunity so he would take me and my friends and wait in the car for us.
Sis. Elaine Dalton quoted President McKay as saying, "The most important thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother." Nobody ever showed more love for their spouse than my dad for my mom. His love for her was like nothing I have ever witnessed. He was a devoted, fiercely loyal and loving husband. Their life together took them down many roads. They were blessed with many happy years surrounded by family and friends. My dad adored my mother constantly. He always called her "Coach" as he felt she was always helping him to be a better person. Later in their marriage, through years of illness he was always by her side being her biggest support and offering a seemingly endless supply of love. The night before she died he leaned down to her in bed, kissed her and said, "I love you, Coach." I will forever have that memory of the two of them imprinted in my mind and on my heart.
As you can see, my dad is a pretty remarkable man. Honestly, he's my hero. He always has and always will hold a very special place in my heart. I love you, Dad.
Stacy
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Faith vs. Fear and Worry
This beautiful girl went to a party last Friday night with her friends.
Jared and I were going to be going to Salt Lake for our date after we dropped her off. I knew the friends she would be with, she had her cell phone with her and I trust her completely. Still I felt compelled to be sure she had a way out if she should need it. Thus, I made a quick call to my sister to see if she would be available should the need arise.
I was struck by the sadness of this situation. How unfortunate it is that we live in a world where my 14 year old daughter can't go hang out with her friends without the worries of the world encroaching. Then I remembered something I heard Elder Holland once say, "The future of this world has long been declared; the final outcome between good and evil is already known. There is absolutely no question as to who wins because the victory has already been posted on the scoreboard. The only really strange thing in all of this is that we are still down here on the field trying to decide which teams jersey we want to wear." I think that was meant to inspire faith in all of us. I know Elder Holland's statement to be true. Still, I wonder, and ponder and let's be honest, I'm a mom, I worry. What if she doesn't choose the right jersey?
Which brings me to the thoughts that have been consuming me for the past few days. Jared and I have been reading in the Book of Mormon in Alma, specifically chapter 32. I know about faith and the tiny seed and things I can do to help my faith continue to grow. I know that good things and "light" things will help my seed of faith continue to grow strong. I also know that fear is the opposite of faith.
Knowing these things led me to wonder. Is worry the same as fear? If I worry about my children, do I lack faith in Heavenly Father's promises to me? At what point is my worry going too far? When my children were all smaller my worries involved things like choking on something or getting lost at the store or whether or not they were sick enough to take to the doctor. Now, I'm moving into a new realm. I have older children. They leave me everyday to go to school and other activities. I can no longer control all of the things of this world that influence them. On top of it all, these children have the nerve to come with their own personalities and distinct opinions, none of which are like their siblings! :)
I know without a doubt in my mind that Heavenly Father loves me, Jared and our children. I know that He only wants what is best for all of us. I also know that when we met in the grand council in heaven that nothing was more important to Heavenly Father for His children than for us all to have agency. It was so important to him that we have this agency that He was willing to lose 1/3 of his children for it. As a mother, I can think of nothing more heartbreaking than losing a child, but to lose 1/3 of them is unfathomable. I realize I have no idea the scope of Heavenly Father's sacrifice, but I know I would be forever changed and would lose a part of myself if I lost a child.
Still, with this agency comes the awesome blessing and, quite frankly, responsibility of choice. We believe that age 8 a child is accountable for their choices. I try to teach my children that they are able to make all the choices they want, but they can't choose their consequences. Therefore, it's so important to make good choices so that your consequences are equally good. Someone in the General Primary Presidency said once that if we don't teach our children to follow Christ the world will teach them not to. I don't know about you, but I don't want the world determining what my children know.
So, we teach them. We provide opportunities for them to see the good in the world and we shelter them from the bad as much as possible. We have rules and guidelines and we expect them to be followed. According to some people that we know, we are "mean" parents. That's okay, I'm secure with being a "mean" parent. I hope that means I'm doing my job. But, it's still no guarantee that it will be enough, right? So, that's where my worry and fear comes in.
When Abby went to her first day of 7th grade she was terrified. Our school lets the 7th graders go on the first day alone to get the layout and the schedule all figured out before the other kids are there. So, on her first day as I pulled up to the school she looked at me and said, "Mom, I'm really scared. Will you say a prayer with me?" I was already worried (shocking, I know) about her anyway and this request about pushed me to take her home and tell her she never had to go to that yucky junior high. Somehow I was able to say a prayer with her and she got out of the car and walked in. I watched her walk in while I cried in my car wishing so much that I could hold her hand as she went through the two hour day she had ahead of her. I cried the whole way home. I think I called Jared at work at least three times in two hours asking him if he thought she was okay. I might have cried off and on for two hours as well though I'll neither confirm or deny that fact. I remember wondering if Heavenly Father felt similarly when watching his children go through difficult times.
I spend a lot of my time hoping that my kids are learning anything when we read scriptures, that they're not asleep during family prayer, that they know deep down that we love them and that their Heavenly Father loves them. I pray when I drop them off at school each morning that they'll remember who they are and that they'll stand up for what is right and good, even if they have to do it quietly, all by themselves. I pray they'll find success and feel good about their accomplishments and be kind to themselves through their failures. I pray that Heavenly Father will watch over them and protect them. I pray that Jared and I will be able to hear the promptings of the Holy Ghost and be able to be watchmen on the tower to protect them and teach them what is right. And in the end, I pray that it will have been enough. I pray that they will have a desire to have a personal relationship with their Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
In the end, I know it will be up to my kidlets which path they choose. I will always love them, no matter what they choose. However, I know they will be happier if they choose the right. That's where my faith comes in. I will do everything within my power to teach them while they are with me. Then, I'm going to trust Heavenly Father to take care of the rest. Will I ever stop worrying about them? Probably not, I think that's just part of being the mom.
I was struck by the sadness of this situation. How unfortunate it is that we live in a world where my 14 year old daughter can't go hang out with her friends without the worries of the world encroaching. Then I remembered something I heard Elder Holland once say, "The future of this world has long been declared; the final outcome between good and evil is already known. There is absolutely no question as to who wins because the victory has already been posted on the scoreboard. The only really strange thing in all of this is that we are still down here on the field trying to decide which teams jersey we want to wear." I think that was meant to inspire faith in all of us. I know Elder Holland's statement to be true. Still, I wonder, and ponder and let's be honest, I'm a mom, I worry. What if she doesn't choose the right jersey?
Which brings me to the thoughts that have been consuming me for the past few days. Jared and I have been reading in the Book of Mormon in Alma, specifically chapter 32. I know about faith and the tiny seed and things I can do to help my faith continue to grow. I know that good things and "light" things will help my seed of faith continue to grow strong. I also know that fear is the opposite of faith.
Knowing these things led me to wonder. Is worry the same as fear? If I worry about my children, do I lack faith in Heavenly Father's promises to me? At what point is my worry going too far? When my children were all smaller my worries involved things like choking on something or getting lost at the store or whether or not they were sick enough to take to the doctor. Now, I'm moving into a new realm. I have older children. They leave me everyday to go to school and other activities. I can no longer control all of the things of this world that influence them. On top of it all, these children have the nerve to come with their own personalities and distinct opinions, none of which are like their siblings! :)
I know without a doubt in my mind that Heavenly Father loves me, Jared and our children. I know that He only wants what is best for all of us. I also know that when we met in the grand council in heaven that nothing was more important to Heavenly Father for His children than for us all to have agency. It was so important to him that we have this agency that He was willing to lose 1/3 of his children for it. As a mother, I can think of nothing more heartbreaking than losing a child, but to lose 1/3 of them is unfathomable. I realize I have no idea the scope of Heavenly Father's sacrifice, but I know I would be forever changed and would lose a part of myself if I lost a child.
Still, with this agency comes the awesome blessing and, quite frankly, responsibility of choice. We believe that age 8 a child is accountable for their choices. I try to teach my children that they are able to make all the choices they want, but they can't choose their consequences. Therefore, it's so important to make good choices so that your consequences are equally good. Someone in the General Primary Presidency said once that if we don't teach our children to follow Christ the world will teach them not to. I don't know about you, but I don't want the world determining what my children know.
So, we teach them. We provide opportunities for them to see the good in the world and we shelter them from the bad as much as possible. We have rules and guidelines and we expect them to be followed. According to some people that we know, we are "mean" parents. That's okay, I'm secure with being a "mean" parent. I hope that means I'm doing my job. But, it's still no guarantee that it will be enough, right? So, that's where my worry and fear comes in.
When Abby went to her first day of 7th grade she was terrified. Our school lets the 7th graders go on the first day alone to get the layout and the schedule all figured out before the other kids are there. So, on her first day as I pulled up to the school she looked at me and said, "Mom, I'm really scared. Will you say a prayer with me?" I was already worried (shocking, I know) about her anyway and this request about pushed me to take her home and tell her she never had to go to that yucky junior high. Somehow I was able to say a prayer with her and she got out of the car and walked in. I watched her walk in while I cried in my car wishing so much that I could hold her hand as she went through the two hour day she had ahead of her. I cried the whole way home. I think I called Jared at work at least three times in two hours asking him if he thought she was okay. I might have cried off and on for two hours as well though I'll neither confirm or deny that fact. I remember wondering if Heavenly Father felt similarly when watching his children go through difficult times.
I spend a lot of my time hoping that my kids are learning anything when we read scriptures, that they're not asleep during family prayer, that they know deep down that we love them and that their Heavenly Father loves them. I pray when I drop them off at school each morning that they'll remember who they are and that they'll stand up for what is right and good, even if they have to do it quietly, all by themselves. I pray they'll find success and feel good about their accomplishments and be kind to themselves through their failures. I pray that Heavenly Father will watch over them and protect them. I pray that Jared and I will be able to hear the promptings of the Holy Ghost and be able to be watchmen on the tower to protect them and teach them what is right. And in the end, I pray that it will have been enough. I pray that they will have a desire to have a personal relationship with their Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
In the end, I know it will be up to my kidlets which path they choose. I will always love them, no matter what they choose. However, I know they will be happier if they choose the right. That's where my faith comes in. I will do everything within my power to teach them while they are with me. Then, I'm going to trust Heavenly Father to take care of the rest. Will I ever stop worrying about them? Probably not, I think that's just part of being the mom.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
My Happily Ever After
When I was a little girl I used to love fairy tales.
The handsome prince would sweep in and save the princess from a fate
worse than death and then they would live happily ever after. It seemed
so dreamy and truthfully I secretly wished for a handsome prince to
wisk me away to my fairy tale life where we would live happily ever
after.
Years later I found my prince and he did sweep me off my feet. We were married for time and all eternity in the LDS temple and I felt certain that it was the beginning of my "happily ever after" fairy tale.
Before I proceed, please know that I am deeply in love with my husband, Jared. My life would be incomplete without him. He is all I dreamed of in a husband and I couldn't ask for a better companion for myself or father for my children. Still, over time, I'm sorry to say, I came to hate the phrase, "happily ever after". You see, I didn't feel like my life defined "happily ever after".
I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I always imagined that when I had children we would spend our days in blissful playtime. I would always have a fresh batch of cookies available, we would spend afternoons at the park, go to story time at the library, and never would a cross word escape my mouth. The children would be incredibly kind to one another and, in short, things would always be blissful. On top of having my perfect children, I would also have a perfect husband. After all, I was going to be the perfect wife and mother, the perfect husband was absolutely a no brainer. Looking back, I can't help but wonder what I was thinking!!!!
The fact is, life was hard. Like so many others, we had small children, we struggled financially, there was laundry to do, a house to keep clean and seemingly endless meals to prepare. There were nights with no sleep, days with constant crying and whining, (and not just the kid's crying and whining) and plenty of times when we wondered if we would have the money we needed to survive. We weren't so different from others, but I felt like it was so hard!
In fairness, there was plenty of happiness, it seems that I just dwelt on all of the hard things that went with motherhood and wifehood. (Is wifehood even a word?) Sadly, I spent a lot of time being unhappy and overwhelmed. It seemed that "happily ever after" was indeed a fairy tale and something that I would never experience.
I'm not sure when I realized how much of my time was spent in disillusionment. I do know that when I came to this realization I was surprised. Ultimately, I had all I ever wanted. I had a great husband and great kids, yet I spent so much of my time being unhappy with that which I had always wanted.
I decided then and there to do some serious soul searching. I realized that being a mom is, by far, the hardest thing I do. Nothing is more demanding of me mentally, physically and emotionally. With that said, there is also nothing I do that's more cool than being a mom and a wife. I discovered that life wasn't what I thought it would be, but it was still amazing. My attitude changed and thus my definition of "happily ever after" changed as well.
Now, I'm not going to tell you that I've discovered that everything about motherhood is roses and rainbows, I don't think anybody sane would say that! I still have sleepless nights, though now I'm up worrying about the choices my kids will make instead of walking crying babies. There are still days filled with a certain seven year old whining, the laundry is still there, the house is still in need of cleaning and everyone still thinks that they need to eat EVERY SINGLE DAY! Truthfully, there's almost never a fresh batch of cookies, (or any cookies for that matter) my kids are either too cool for the park or don't want to go and they've gotten too big for story time at the library.
My kids are older now, maybe that has helped to change my perspective some. However, I've learned that part of "happily ever after" is learning to enjoy the journey, even on the days that the journey stinks. I've also learned to enjoy my children for who they are. They don't need to be just like me, they don't need to be anybody but themselves.
It turns out that my life isn't perfect. Nope, there's no perfect mom, no perfect dad and no perfect kids at this house, and I'm okay with it. I'm glad I finally figured out that this is my "happily ever after."
Years later I found my prince and he did sweep me off my feet. We were married for time and all eternity in the LDS temple and I felt certain that it was the beginning of my "happily ever after" fairy tale.
Before I proceed, please know that I am deeply in love with my husband, Jared. My life would be incomplete without him. He is all I dreamed of in a husband and I couldn't ask for a better companion for myself or father for my children. Still, over time, I'm sorry to say, I came to hate the phrase, "happily ever after". You see, I didn't feel like my life defined "happily ever after".
I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I always imagined that when I had children we would spend our days in blissful playtime. I would always have a fresh batch of cookies available, we would spend afternoons at the park, go to story time at the library, and never would a cross word escape my mouth. The children would be incredibly kind to one another and, in short, things would always be blissful. On top of having my perfect children, I would also have a perfect husband. After all, I was going to be the perfect wife and mother, the perfect husband was absolutely a no brainer. Looking back, I can't help but wonder what I was thinking!!!!
The fact is, life was hard. Like so many others, we had small children, we struggled financially, there was laundry to do, a house to keep clean and seemingly endless meals to prepare. There were nights with no sleep, days with constant crying and whining, (and not just the kid's crying and whining) and plenty of times when we wondered if we would have the money we needed to survive. We weren't so different from others, but I felt like it was so hard!
In fairness, there was plenty of happiness, it seems that I just dwelt on all of the hard things that went with motherhood and wifehood. (Is wifehood even a word?) Sadly, I spent a lot of time being unhappy and overwhelmed. It seemed that "happily ever after" was indeed a fairy tale and something that I would never experience.
I'm not sure when I realized how much of my time was spent in disillusionment. I do know that when I came to this realization I was surprised. Ultimately, I had all I ever wanted. I had a great husband and great kids, yet I spent so much of my time being unhappy with that which I had always wanted.
I decided then and there to do some serious soul searching. I realized that being a mom is, by far, the hardest thing I do. Nothing is more demanding of me mentally, physically and emotionally. With that said, there is also nothing I do that's more cool than being a mom and a wife. I discovered that life wasn't what I thought it would be, but it was still amazing. My attitude changed and thus my definition of "happily ever after" changed as well.
Now, I'm not going to tell you that I've discovered that everything about motherhood is roses and rainbows, I don't think anybody sane would say that! I still have sleepless nights, though now I'm up worrying about the choices my kids will make instead of walking crying babies. There are still days filled with a certain seven year old whining, the laundry is still there, the house is still in need of cleaning and everyone still thinks that they need to eat EVERY SINGLE DAY! Truthfully, there's almost never a fresh batch of cookies, (or any cookies for that matter) my kids are either too cool for the park or don't want to go and they've gotten too big for story time at the library.
My kids are older now, maybe that has helped to change my perspective some. However, I've learned that part of "happily ever after" is learning to enjoy the journey, even on the days that the journey stinks. I've also learned to enjoy my children for who they are. They don't need to be just like me, they don't need to be anybody but themselves.
It turns out that my life isn't perfect. Nope, there's no perfect mom, no perfect dad and no perfect kids at this house, and I'm okay with it. I'm glad I finally figured out that this is my "happily ever after."
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Our Week In A Nutshell
Monday I was able to have lunch with some friends and roommates from my college days. Let's just say that 1997-1998 were some pretty epic years with these awesome ladies. We haven't seen each other in years, but we had such a great time catching up and chatting at lunch. We've stayed in touch over the years a little bit, but it's never the same as actually seeing people with your very own eyes. It was so fun to see everyone. Liz, I hope we can see you next year!
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Tuesday was the first day of school for everyone. I love the first day of school because it's fun to see all the excitement in the kids. I hate the first day of school because I'm always sad to see them getting bigger.
Jenna is a 9th grader.
Abby is a 7th grader.
Ethan is a 4th grader. And no, I'm not torturing him even though he looks like I am.
Sadie is a 2nd grader.
See what I mean? They're all getting bigger and I can't do anything about it. So sad!!!! I did love this moment with Ethan on the playground on Tuesday morning though. He ran ahead of us to see his friends and start playing on the playground. When we caught up to him he was nice and smiled for this cute picture.
Thursday Jared turned in his final assignment for his Master's degree. It has taken every night for the past two years of his life and ours. The kids, and by kids I mean Abby, decided that since he couldn't go to Minnesota for graduation that she would have a graduation ceremony for him at home. She rounded up an old graduation cap and gown, neither of which fit, and she found Pomp and Circumstance on You Tube and busted out a good old graduation ceremony for him. It was very adorable and very thoughtful of her. We are all so proud of his awesome accomplishment. It has taken a lot of work and focus on his part. He is an amazing man. Congratulations, Jared, I love you everyday!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Happy Birthday To My Baby!
Sadie turned 7 on August 4. Yes, I know that it is now August 15, but hey, better late than never.
Seven years ago I gave birth to this adorable little bundle.
We were totally smitten the moment we laid eyes on her. This picture was taken when she was about 24 hours old. And yes, she had those totally kissable cheeks from the beginning. We knew she would be our last and I would guess that was one of the reasons we enjoyed her so much. She was by far the most cuddly baby we had. She would snuggle with me for hours. Jared's job offered paid paternity leave so Jared was able to be home with us the first week of her life. The kids were home from school so we spent the week drooling over her every little move. She was definitely adored by one and all.
Fast forward seven years and this little munchkin now looks like this.
We're still smitten with her. She's the sweetest and sassiest seven year old we know. I'm convinced that Heavenly Father sent her last to keep us on our toes and to help us keep a sense of humor. There's never a day that she doesn't make us laugh about something.
Sadie's first word was "shoes". That should give you huge insight to this child's personality. She loves shoes in every shape and size. Every single time we go to a store with shoes I will find her in the women's section sporting the highest heels she can find. So, it should come as no surprise that she requested high heel cupcakes instead of a big birthday cake this year.
We decided a few weeks prior to her birthday to have a last summer getaway. We spent a long weekend in Las Vegas visiting Aunt Carol. We had a fabulous time and, as always, she was an awesome hostess. Sadie loves Carol so Sadie was quick to inform us that going to Las Vegas on the same weekend as her birthday because, "Of course Aunt Carol would want to be with me on my birthday." Clearly there are no self esteem issues with this kid.
Besides these cupcakes she really wanted an American Girl doll. The bigger girls each have one so Sadie has been begging for one for about six months now. She was thrilled to find that her amazing parents had purchased one for her.
She exclaimed that it was indeed the best birthday present ever. It's hard to give that statement much credibility though, since she says that every year. :) She was so excited about eating her high heels and blowing out candles.
Seriously! Have you ever seen so much excitement? She exclaimed that the cupcakes were yummy and she also said that if they were "high heels for reals" she would "totally wear them". I'll take that as a compliment coming from If The Shoe Fits, Wear It Queen Of Everything!
All teasing aside, we do adore this little so much. She is such a sweetheart. She loves her family and is so kind to others. She is so excited to be getting bigger. Jared used to hold her when she was tiny and tell her to never grow up. Now that she's getting bigger, when he tucks her in at night, he will often say, "You were going to stay my little Sadie, but you just keep getting bigger and bigger." Recently she answered back, "Don't worry, Daddy. Even if I'm bigger I'll still always love you and Mommy." It made me tear up. It's hard to see this little getting bigger. She's my last one and I fear that time will continue to pass way too quickly and she'll be gone before I know it. Thankfully, she'll always love us, though I doubt she'll ever understand how much we love her.
Seven years ago I gave birth to this adorable little bundle.
Fast forward seven years and this little munchkin now looks like this.
Sadie's first word was "shoes". That should give you huge insight to this child's personality. She loves shoes in every shape and size. Every single time we go to a store with shoes I will find her in the women's section sporting the highest heels she can find. So, it should come as no surprise that she requested high heel cupcakes instead of a big birthday cake this year.
Besides these cupcakes she really wanted an American Girl doll. The bigger girls each have one so Sadie has been begging for one for about six months now. She was thrilled to find that her amazing parents had purchased one for her.
All teasing aside, we do adore this little so much. She is such a sweetheart. She loves her family and is so kind to others. She is so excited to be getting bigger. Jared used to hold her when she was tiny and tell her to never grow up. Now that she's getting bigger, when he tucks her in at night, he will often say, "You were going to stay my little Sadie, but you just keep getting bigger and bigger." Recently she answered back, "Don't worry, Daddy. Even if I'm bigger I'll still always love you and Mommy." It made me tear up. It's hard to see this little getting bigger. She's my last one and I fear that time will continue to pass way too quickly and she'll be gone before I know it. Thankfully, she'll always love us, though I doubt she'll ever understand how much we love her.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Independence Day
We were lucky enough to get to spend July 4 with the Allen family and Jared's brother Neil and his wife Becky and their kids. We had such a blast! We went to the parade, had our traditional water fight, ate too much food at our barbeque and then stayed up way too late watching fireworks. All in all it was an awesome day!
Turning 12 Rocks!
July 3, little miss Abby turned 12. Turning 12 is a big deal! Among other things, she was so excited to say good bye to Primary and hello to Young Women's at our church. She also was hoping to receive a cell phone. In fact, she wanted one so badly that three weeks before her birthday she wrote Jared and I a persuasive essay trying to convince us of her "need." She left if on my pillow when she went to bed. We found it as we were going to bed that night. Here's an excerpt from the essay.
"Why I want a cell phone is because I'm going into Jr. High. I might need it to call, or text one of you that I need to stay after school. Also since I'm getting older I'm going to get invited to more parties. If I don't feel comfortable in the environment, I could call one of you to come pick me up. I would also need a cell phone for babysitting, if the family I'm babysitting doesn't have a home phone I could call on my cell phone if I had any problems. Now, one of my final reasons is just the plain fun, and texting of friends, and being able to talk to my friends more often."
This is just one of the paragraphs in the essay. It was an entire page long, TYPED! Jared and I were rolling on the bed laughing. You have to give it to her, she really thought this through. I mean, not everyone would think to throw in the whole party in a questionable environment issue. The one thing she didn't take into account though was how protective this momma bear is. Trust me, if she's going to a party, I know which kids will be there, which parents will be there and EXACTLY what's going to be happening and said party or else she ain't goin! That said, the funniest part about the whole essay is that Jared and I had already decided to get her a phone for her birthday, she just didn't know it! The next morning she asked us if we found the essay and if we were convinced. Jared said, "Abby, if I were an English teacher I would give you an A for that paper." Her reply? "Really! So as my dad what did you think of it?" He just shrugged his shoulders and made a very non-committal groan. I was laughing so hard.
Needless to say, she was thrilled to get her phone and become a phone carrying, text sending 12 year old kid. She has been given a cell phone contract, compliments of her parents, that she had to sign and has to follow or I get to take the phone back. I've been assured that she's fine with the contract...we'll see how long that lasts.
Check out the smile on this kid. Isn't it gorgeous! I think that there are many things that define us as individuals. One thing that absolutely defines Abby is her smile. She always has a big smile on her face that makes everyone happy. On Sunday when she was called up to the stand for her advancement into the Young Women's organization she was grinning from ear to ear. I heard a gentlemen who was sitting behind us and visiting the ward say to his wife, "Wow! Look at the smile on her cute face. She is darling." Of course, I was very proud. She is always so willing to help out and to make someone else happy. She loves her family and the church. She bops around the house singing and smiling and bringing joy to all of us. We love you Abs and we hope you will always remember who you are and keep bringing that happy spirit to all who know you!
"Why I want a cell phone is because I'm going into Jr. High. I might need it to call, or text one of you that I need to stay after school. Also since I'm getting older I'm going to get invited to more parties. If I don't feel comfortable in the environment, I could call one of you to come pick me up. I would also need a cell phone for babysitting, if the family I'm babysitting doesn't have a home phone I could call on my cell phone if I had any problems. Now, one of my final reasons is just the plain fun, and texting of friends, and being able to talk to my friends more often."
This is just one of the paragraphs in the essay. It was an entire page long, TYPED! Jared and I were rolling on the bed laughing. You have to give it to her, she really thought this through. I mean, not everyone would think to throw in the whole party in a questionable environment issue. The one thing she didn't take into account though was how protective this momma bear is. Trust me, if she's going to a party, I know which kids will be there, which parents will be there and EXACTLY what's going to be happening and said party or else she ain't goin! That said, the funniest part about the whole essay is that Jared and I had already decided to get her a phone for her birthday, she just didn't know it! The next morning she asked us if we found the essay and if we were convinced. Jared said, "Abby, if I were an English teacher I would give you an A for that paper." Her reply? "Really! So as my dad what did you think of it?" He just shrugged his shoulders and made a very non-committal groan. I was laughing so hard.
Needless to say, she was thrilled to get her phone and become a phone carrying, text sending 12 year old kid. She has been given a cell phone contract, compliments of her parents, that she had to sign and has to follow or I get to take the phone back. I've been assured that she's fine with the contract...we'll see how long that lasts.
Family Slip-n-Slide
Saturday, June 29, we spent the morning getting all the yard work done. It was an incredibly stifling day as the temperatures soared above 100 degrees. Jared and I decided it was time to beat the heat with our littles. What better way to do that than to have slip-n-slide races. We set up two pieces of industrial strength plastic sheeting side by side and that's when the fun began.
Truthfully, it was hysterical. I don't know when Jared and I have laughed so hard. We all had such a fabulous time!
Truthfully, it was hysterical. I don't know when Jared and I have laughed so hard. We all had such a fabulous time!
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Happy Father's Day
It's Father's Day, a day I have always loved. When I was a child, I
loved making cards and gifts for my dad. I loved cooking dinner for him
and spoiling him. My sister and I would make him breakfast in bed.
I'm sure it lacked in flavor, but he always lovingly and gratefully ate
it and complimented our efforts. He was my whole world and such an
amazing example to me in so many ways. He is still a great man and I
recognize even more the incredible influence he had in shaping me into
the person I am now.The last few years, since I've been married
and had a family of my own, Father's Day has changed for me. Now, I get
to focus my efforts in my husband, the father of our children. The
kids and I like to make a big breakfast and a fancy dinner. We love to
make all of his favorite things and spoil him all day long.
Jared is an amazing father. He works hard each day to provide for our family in many ways. His love for the gospel and his faith in Jesus Christ shines through in his actions and in his love for us. I so appreciate his ability to connect with our children. He works hard to make time for them and show them his support for the things they love and are interested in. He can be found playing ball with Ethan and Abby, dancing or swinging with Sadie, discussing history and current events with Jenna and laughing with all of them. The kid's eagerness to share their lives with him is a testimony to their knowledge of his love for them.
He also loves me. He makes my comfort and happiness his top priority. If the saying, "The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" is true, then Jared absolutely exemplifies this.
Pres. David O. McKay said that no success can compensate for failure in the home. Jared takes his responsibilities at home seriously. His actions prove it. He is truly an incredible husband and father.
Happy Father's Day, babe! We love you everyday!!!
Jared is an amazing father. He works hard each day to provide for our family in many ways. His love for the gospel and his faith in Jesus Christ shines through in his actions and in his love for us. I so appreciate his ability to connect with our children. He works hard to make time for them and show them his support for the things they love and are interested in. He can be found playing ball with Ethan and Abby, dancing or swinging with Sadie, discussing history and current events with Jenna and laughing with all of them. The kid's eagerness to share their lives with him is a testimony to their knowledge of his love for them.
He also loves me. He makes my comfort and happiness his top priority. If the saying, "The greatest thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother" is true, then Jared absolutely exemplifies this.
Pres. David O. McKay said that no success can compensate for failure in the home. Jared takes his responsibilities at home seriously. His actions prove it. He is truly an incredible husband and father.
Happy Father's Day, babe! We love you everyday!!!
Our Walker Family
We had a fabulous time with our Walker side of the family. The kids all loved being with their cousins. I mean, really, who doesn't love a fun weekend surrounded by cousins.
Jared's mom passed away one year ago, June 13. We ate her favorite cheesecake that night and we all talked about things we remembered about her. All of my kids remembered sitting in Grandma's chair with her. Jenna remembered Grandma rubbing her back, knowing how ticklish Jenna's back is, to make her laugh. They all remembered her hugs. It made my heart so happy to hear them know of her love for them.
Grandpa Walker with nine of his ten children.
Grandpa Walker with almost all of his grandchildren. (Two grandsons are on missions and two others are in California.)
All of us Walkers who could make it!
Jared's mom was a mother to ten children. She was an
only child herself, so I was always fascinated that she had such a large
family. She, like most mothers, loved her children fiercely. She
loved The Lord and instilled that love and testimony of the gospel in
all of her ten children. She loved her family and passed that legacy to
her children as well. At her funeral, many friends and ward members
shared experiences of service and kind things she had done for them.
So, last weekend as we celebrated a new nephew in our family, the first covenant made on her path back to Heavenly Father for our niece, and the life of a blessed mother we were profoundly grateful for our eternal family. I feel certain that Grandma Walker was with us and loved seeing us happy together. While we will always miss her, we are so grateful for the time we had with her. We love you, mom!
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