Jenna, On Your 16th Birthday

To my Jenna on your 16th birthday,

I remember how tiny you were the night we brought you home from the hospital.  Then I blinked and suddenly you are a beautiful 16 year old young woman.  In two years you will be off on the grand adventures of adulthood, such as college, mission and marriage.  As I have thought about this "Sweet 16" birthday approaching dangerously fast, I confess I have vacillated between excitement for you and the coming adventures in your life and sadness that my once little girl is growing up so quickly before my eyes.  In light of your coming adventures I wanted to give you some advice that I hope you will embrace and live. 

Be kind to everyone:  Do you remember the primary song that says, "Jesus said love everyone, treat them kindly too..."  Every person you come in contact with is a child of God and deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.  You have been blessed with such a kind heart, that's one of the many things I love and admire about you.  You always have something kind to say about someone and you are quick to defend anybody that you feel is being treated in an unkind way.   Remember, even those you may disagree with or who may not share your same beliefs and opinions deserve kindness.  This is the way to live and the way to treat all of Heavenly Father's children.

Remember who you are:  I know, I know, we joke about this one A LOT, but it is still sound advice.  You, Jenna, are a daughter of God. In Proverbs it says that you are more precious than rubies and that all things that a person can desire can't compare to you.  The scriptures are right!  You are being raised in a world that will try to deceive you at every turn.  The world would love to convince you that you aren't pretty enough, you're too tall, you're too short, you're too skinny, you're too fat, your hair is too long or short and the list goes on and on.   Don't believe what the world tells you. Heavenly Father created you and he doesn't make mistakes.  Don't compare yourself to others, be yourself, the original is always better than a copy.  Always remember that you are His precious, precious daughter, even a masterpiece and His love for you is never ending. 

Make a list now of things you will always do and things you will never do.  When you were a brand new Beehive, we went to your first YW broadcast. The General YW President at the time was Sister Elaine Dalton.  She is the one who said, "I hope each of you will write a list of things you will always do and things you will never do. Then live your list."  If you make the hard decisions now, later when you are faced with situations that could distract you from the path, you will know how to stay on course. Decide now to pray daily to your Heavenly Father, decide now to read from His scriptures daily, decide now to remain morally clean, decide now to live the Word of Wisdom, decide now to serve the Lord in whatever capacity He asks of you, decide now to live worthy of your temple recommend.  With those decisions made and your determination to live them in place, you will be filled with the Holy Ghost daily and there will be no stopping your influence for good and your ability to one day live with Heavenly Father again.

Jesus Christ's atonement is real, use it in your life.  You have set many goals and have lots of dreams for things you would like to accomplish in the future. Work hard, strive to be the best you can be. However, when you fall short, because let's be honest nobody is perfect 100% of the time, remember the atonement. Christ knew that at times we would fall, that is why His sacrifice for us is so great. Lean on Him, read the scriptures so you know His words and can follow His perfect example.  The more you put into your relationship with the Savior, the more you will get out of it.  Above all else, remember that His atonement is there to lift you, carry you and soothe your heartaches and pains.  His love for you is infinite and something you should treasure always. 

Jenna, I couldn't be more proud of the young woman you have become. You bring such happiness and joy to my heart.  Truly Heavenly Father blessed me when He sent you to our little family. I pray you will always know how much I love and adore you. 

I love you to the moon and back,

Mom

The Lord Is My Strength

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'm capable of doing. You see, I got a new calling in my ward, a big, scary, overwhelming calling.  I can't help wondering what the bishop was thinking when he asked me to do it. I know callings are given after prayer and inspiration and I know that Heavenly Father has his hands in our lives, even the very details. I also know that The Lord has promised that he won't give us more than we can handle. However, I have struggled to wrap my mind around this next chapter in my life, and by struggled I mean I have cried almost every single day for the last four weeks.

The first few days I cried because I couldn't believe this was what I was supposed to do. After that, I got smart and went to the temple.  Truthfully, there's no better place in the world to feel peace and to feel the love of The Lord.  I sat in the celestial room next to my incredibly patient husband and cried.  (Shocking, I know.) I prayed and told Heavenly Father that there was no way I could do this calling. I told him all the reasons I couldn't do it. Believe me when I tell you that I had a long list of reasons for why I could not possibly pull this off. It was a little like when our kids tell Jared that they can't do a job he has given them.  They tell him it's too hard or they don't know how, whatever the reason, the point is the same. They just can't do it.  I'm sure that was exactly what I sounded like. And then, after laying out all my reasons, in something akin to defeat, I stopped and listened.

It's amazing what can happen when we stop and listen and feel.  The Holy Ghost can reveal incredible things when we are in a place where we are willing to hear.  In that moment, I felt the most immense amount of love for me from Heavenly Father. Along with that came the assurance that I was, indeed, supposed to be serving in this way and at this time.  It wouldn't always be easy, but I was most certainly capable of doing it.  In short, I felt peace.  Pure, simple, complete and total peace. The kind of peace you can only feel from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  The kind of peace I was desperate for that day.

I have clung to that feeling and that memory the last three weeks.  My crying has changed to begging The Lord to continue to show me the way, as I struggle to fulfill a new and scary assignment.  The tears have come as I have been filled with an overwhelming amount of love for the sisters in my ward and as I've prayed  to be an effective instrument in the Lord's hands.  A long time ago President Kimball taught is, "God does notice us and he watches over us.  But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.  Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom."  It's my turn to be the other person who meets the needs of these sisters with The Lord.

I was mopping my kitchen floor the other day and thinking. (I do my best thinking when I clean.)  You see, I was home from work and had just 45 minutes until I needed to pick up kids from school. I had a long list of things to do around the house, the kids would have homework, soccer practice, etc. and I had church stuff to do. I couldn't help feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. This led me to thinking about this concept of The Lord not giving us more than we can handle. I actually said out loud, "Really, Heavenly Father, you're sure I can handle this?"  Immediately I thought of a dear friend of mine. She has four little boys and is quite possibly the best mother I have seen. I could go on and on about how amazing I think she is and about all the things she does that are wonderful.  She is a woman who, in my opinion, is a perfect example of motherhood and womanhood. And then came the thought, "Do you think she believes she's as amazing as you know she is?"  I can honestly say that I don't know if she sees herself the way I see her.  She's a woman and we are, by our very nature, hard on ourselves.  We see more readily our perceived shortcomings and failings and rarely give ourselves credit for all the good we do. It took me a few minutes of scrubbing to finally make the connection. Heavenly Father sees the whole picture!  He knows what I can do even when I don't know. He sees my eternal potential, whereas I only see what I think I can do now.   And then it hit me, the thoughts of doubt, discouragement and frustration were not from my loving Heavenly Father!  These thoughts were from Satan. Satan who desires to make everyone miserable like he is. He wants me to doubt my abilities, be frustrated with the task ahead, shrivel up and give up! 

I have been keeping these thoughts with me through this busy week.  My love for the sisters in my ward is great. The task ahead of me is great. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are great. I have everything I need to do this calling. I have a fabulous, supportive husband, great kids and I have The Lord. Through Him, all things are possible. If I keep The Lord involved in this process, then I know we can do amazing things.  In D&C 84:88 it says that The Lord will be on my right hand and on my left hand and his Spirit will be all around me to bear me up. He is my strength.  He will turn my weaknesses into strengths and He will guide me through  this process.  My testimony of Him is most precious to me and something I will forever be grateful for.  I know there will still be difficult times ahead, but I also know that The Lord always keeps his promises and He will be there to help me every single step of the way.  With God, nothing is impossible.

Milestones

As a parent, I've always noted milestones. When our oldest was born we were always anxious for her to do the next thing.  Whether it was rolling over, cooing, crawling or walking we were always excited to see it and then couldn't wait until the next milestone.

When we had our last child, Sadie (AKA Sadie Lady, Lulu, Goobsie, Goobs, Goober Smootch or anything else that pops into our heads!) I had finally learned to just enjoy my children. I was much less anxious to see her "do" everything and much more concerned with enjoying the journey. Nonetheless, the crazy mom in me still has watched and noted the milestones, though I'm not nearly as anxious for whatever comes next.

Well, something came next. My little Sadie Lady turned 8 last week. That's a pretty huge milestone in our world. She has been thrilled to finally have her birthday.  Her wish list hung on my fridge for three months constantly having things added to it. (In case you're wondering she did NOT get "an actual, real life puppy" or a "soft and furry kitten".) Being eight means no more riding in a car seat in Utah, this will be the first time we haven't had a car seat in our vehicle in 15 years!

It also means she can be baptized, she's giddy about it.  Every single day she asks how many more days until she gets baptized. 

Sadie has kept us on our toes from the moment of her arrival. She is the sweetest, sassiest and silliest Sadie that I know!  When Sadie was born, I always wondered inside how she would mesh with the other girls.  They are so much older than her, I worried that they wouldn't all be able to forge a close relationship with one another.  Then, I took all three of them shopping to find Sadie a baptism dress.  I sat back and watched as they took her from rack to rack piling on all the things she "had to try on".  As she came out of the dressing room with each new dress on they would tell her to twirl and give her advice on why it did or did not work for her.  As I sat watching, I knew in that moment, that the years would melt away and they would be just fine.  I suppose it should come as no surprise that in the past year she has watched her older sisters and learned many new things to try. She's put on her own makeup, tweezed her own eyebrows (that wasn't pretty),

tried on more pairs of six inch high heels than I can count, tried to convince me to buy said high heels

and last, but certainly not least, shaved her own legs! I honestly don't remember the last time I laughed so hard as when I found out she shaved her legs.  See what I mean about keeping us on our toes!!!

Nonetheless, Monday began with tons of fanfare and happiness on the part of this little girl.
She opened her gifts, went to lunch with mom and dad, went school supply shopping, played with her gifts, had steak, without potatoes, for dinner ("It's my birthday, I don't want to eat potatoes.") and then had cousins over for cake. She finished the evening by painting her toenails by herself for the first time and "singing herself to sleep" with her new Frozen CD. (I'm sure some of you heard her singing at the top of her lungs.) It was a whirlwind day, but according to her, "The best day EVER!"

We love having this sassy lassy in our family.  She always has a smile to share and funny little quip to keep us all in stitches.  It's interesting to watch your youngest child as she watches the older children.  Her take on the things they say and do is fascinating.  Nonetheless, she has a heart of gold.  She is always there to give a warm hug and kiss.  Her determination and her spunk are two things that I'm convinced she will need to make it through life in the world we live in now.  We love her to pieces and can't imagine our family without her.  And regardless of how she feels about it, she'll always be my baby.  I just wish I could convince her to slow down with the whole growing up thing.  :(

Abby Gabby Goo

I have been incredibly slow writing about Abby turning 13.    I could say that I've been too busy, but I truly believe you find time to do the things you want to do.  Truthfully, it hasn't been because I haven't wanted to write.  Mostly it's been because having another birthday pass for this amazing daughter of mine is a little sad for me.  I'm sure some of you will disagree, but I can't help feeling a wee bit sad on my children's birthdays.  Each year they grow and get closer to moving on from our home.  While this is a good and natural thing, it still makes me a little sad.

Nevertheless, we had a great day with this adorable girl.  She was so excited to turn 13.  Nobody loves birthdays more than Abby.  She is only a little more excited when it's her birthday, she really loves any reason to celebrate!  She kept telling me over and over that I was going to have two teenagers in the house now.  I told her that I love my "teenagers" and so her turning 13 didn't scare me one bit. 

Abby is, by far, the happiest child in our home...if you don't count the first 20 minutes of each morning..  ;)  She has a smile for everyone.  She's the ultimate "helper".  She can walk into any situation and see what needs done and she will jump in and do it,  She can and will play dolls with Sadie, soccer with Ethan and help Jenna organize her room.  She truly exemplifies Jesus Christ by being willing to "strengthen the feeble knees and lift the hands that hang down."  She constantly nurtures the loving and giving heart that she was blessed with. 

Along with her other many wonderful traits, Abby has been blessed with more determination that I can begin to believe.  If she decides she's doing something, you might as well help her or get out of her way, because she's doing it with or without you.  A perfect example of this came in February of this year.  We learned that our stake would have a member of the General Young Women's Presidency join us for one evening at Girl's Camp.  As part of their visit, they would be having a special dinner with those young women who had earned their Young Woman Recognition Award.  While Abby had worked towards earning this goal, she still had the majority of it.  The girls cannot start working on it until they're 12, so she had only been working on hers for about six months.  You should know that this award takes hours upon hours of work to achieve.  We're talking no less than 100 hours and usually more than that.  Once Abby heard about the dinner though, it was all over.  She came to me and said, "Mom, I have to be at that dinner.  I will be so disappointed in myself for the rest of my life if I'm not there.  Will you help me make a schedule for how I can do it?"   Well, how could I say no to that?!?  We sat down and spent two hours mapping out how she could achieve her goal.  I was so overwhelmed for her, this would be no small task.  I told her it wouldn't be easy, but she didn't care, she wanted it and she was going to do it.  I walked into her room two days after we made "the plan".  She was on her bed working on her personal progress.  I noticed she had written a quote by Pres. Hinckley on her magnetic board.  It said, "You have not failed, until you have quit trying."  I mentioned to her how much I liked it and she said, "Oh!  That's my motivation, mom.  I read it everyday so I can remember what my goal is and how much I want it."  And do you know what, she did it!  I watched her miss doing things with friends, I watched her spend hours reading and studying gospel principles, I watched her set goals and become an even better person than she already was, I watched her serve and love so many of Heavenly Father's children, I watched her grow closer to the Lord and lastly I watched her learn that she can do hard and amazing things with help from her Heavenly Father.  I can't think of a single time when I've been more proud of her than I was as I watched her achieve this amazing goal.  It is said that we often learn our greatest lessons from our children, I can honestly say that I learned an amazing lesson from this daughter of mine during these past six months.  This Wednesday, when we have dinner with Sis. Marriott, I know Abby will have a wonderful time and be so glad again that she achieved this goal that she set out to achieve. 

Abby, you make me so happy.  Your heart and determination are going to help you so much in this life.  Always remember that Heavenly Father loves you and you can do anything with His help.  I'm so proud of the daughter that you are and I love you more than words can say.  P.S.  Don't be too anxious to grow up, I love having you around!  :)

Love, True Love...

Jared and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary yesterday.  It's hard to believe we've been married that long.  In some ways it seems like we have been married forever and in other ways it seems like we are still young marrieds embarking on a new journey that we know nothing about.  I was 23 when we got married.  I had worked, gone to school, lived on my own and honestly, felt like I had a pretty good grasp on reality.  We had been told by several people that the first year of marriage is terrible.  Learning to live with each other, it seemed, would be one of the hardest experiences of our lives.  It turns out that all the naysayers were wrong about us.  The first year of our marriage was awesome.  I worked full time and Jared went to school each day, worked part time and studied in the evenings.  We had didn't have money troubles, kids, demanding callings, health struggles or so many other trials that some have to deal with.  Truthfully, I spent the first couple of months waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did.  At the risk of sounding ridiculously cheesy, we really were blissfully happy.  I have often thought back to that first year and wondered why some couples struggle so much.  I don't really know, I suppose everybody is just different and therefore our experiences will be different.  All I know, is that I look back on our first year with a great deal of happiness. 

While Jared and I have always been in love and committed to our marriage, things didn't stay easy and blissful.  We eventually began to have money struggles, kids, demanding callings and some health issues that needed to be addressed.  Life was hectic and crazy and like so many others, we struggled to make our marriage a priority.  It wasn't that all those other things were more important than our marriage, those other things just seemed to be more in our faces.  We had littles that needed us for everything, jobs to do, church responsibilities, laundry, meals, sickness and any number of other exhausting things.  By the end of the day it seemed there was little left to give.  However, somewhere along the way, we figured out that if we wanted to always be in love and fully committed to each other, we had to put forth the effort to stay that way.

I spent most of yesterday thinking about our life together.  I thought about the hard times, the good times and everything in between.  When Jared and I went to dinner last night I asked him what he thought was the secret to a happy marriage. "Spending time together.  In spending time together we communicate and make sure we have time for each other."   I wholeheartedly agreed.  Take time for your spouses.  This is the person you have chosen to spend eternity with.  While there are millions of good things to fill your time with, make sure you are making time for your spouse.  We have four children, I know it can be hard to put your spouse first when littles need you for so much.  But remember, before long all the littles aren't so little anymore and they move away to have lives of their own.  You don't want to find out then that you're married to a stranger. 

Just before Abby was born, we moved into a tiny apartment in South Provo.  I can't tell you how much we loved the ward we attended.  I also can't tell you how difficult those two years were for us.  I can't speak for Jared, but looking back, I think they were two of the hardest years of my life.   I won't bore you with all the details, but there were many days I wondered if we were going to make it.  One of the many Sundays I stayed home from church with a sick Abby, Jared came home and told me of a challenge that our bishop had issued.  He had challenged the couples in our ward to read the scriptures together every single day.  He said even if you only read one verse, read together every single day.  Jared had decided that we were going to do it.  I don't remember anymore what Abby was sick with that day, it seemed she was always sick with something.  I just remember that my discouragement seemed insurmountable.  The thought of adding one more thing to my day was almost more than I could take, nevertheless, I begrudgingly agreed. 

I didn't notice a difference right away.  In all honesty, I didn't notice a difference for a long, long, long, long time.  Then one day, not too long ago it hit me.  In twelve years, we have not missed one single night of reading our scriptures together.  It isn't always a full chapter, sometimes it really is only one verse.  In fact, the night Ethan was born we were at the hospital and Jared was getting ready to go home to be with our little girls.  Just before he left, he reminded me that we hadn't read our scriptures.  After nine hours of labor and a traumatic delivery that almost didn't end well, I said, "I think Heavenly Father will forgive us if we miss one night, Jared."  He came back with, "Yes, that's true, but do we really want this to be the night we miss?"  He proceeded to recite a scripture verse he had memorized so that wouldn't be the night we missed.   Now, I don't tell you this to boast.  In fact, that is the last thing I would want to do.  I will tell you though, that I know the Book of Mormon to be the word of God and I know the prophets speak truth when they tell me that I will be blessed by reading and studying the words contained in that book.  As we stay close to our Heavenly Father through scripture study, prayer and temple attendance we are led by the Holy Ghost in the ways we should live.  I know that one of the main reasons we have such a happy marriage is because of this.  I know we have both been led on how to best handle situations and care for one another because we took this challenge so many years ago. 

Please don't interpret this to mean that our lives have been perfect.  They are far from perfect.  I don't think our marriage is perfect either.  We still have disagreements and we still undoubtedly irritate each other from time to time.  I'm sure many on the outside looking in would have lots of things to say about how we do things.  However, at the end of the day, I'm so grateful for the gift our marriage is to me.  I'm thankful for a husband who loves and honors me.  I read a thought about marriage recently credited to F. Burton Howard that sums up my feelings perfectly.  He said,

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently.  You shield it and protect it, you never abuse it.  You don't expose it to the elements.  You don't make it common or ordinary.  If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new.  It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by."

I will forever be thankful for the beautiful and precious marriage Heavenly Father has given to me.

Double Digits

Today was the day Ethan hit double digits.  What is it about double digits that kids always get so excited about?  I suppose it's the growing up part, they always seem so anxious to grow up and we always wish they would slow down.  Regardless, my favorite, and only son turned 10 today.  Yesterday when I was thinking about it, I might have bawled my eyes out, though I can neither confirm or deny this. 

Here he is with his excited birthday glow.

He really wanted an airsoft gun for his birthday.  We found a set that had a pistol and a rifle.  Seeing as how his father was going to "need" to play with him, that's what we chose.  There was all kinds of screaming and cheering this morning when he opened it.  Jared told him he couldn't play with it until he read the owner's manual cover to cover.  He sat right down and got to work.  After school, he decided to take Sadie out and "show her how it works".  A few minutes later I look outside and see this.

They were busy fighting some invisible foe and saving the world.  I kept hearing him call her "Soldier!" all afternoon.  It was seriously hysterical.  I loved how they played so happily all afternoon.  Once Jared was home and dinner and cake were done he and Ethan went outside to try out the guns.  It wasn't long before they were shooting each other with them.  I don't remember when I've laughed so hard, those two were so funny.  The fact that they were both laughing their heads off didn't hurt either.  Don't worry parents, we have discussed safety and he won't be shooting any other people. 

Ethan is a sweet little boy that makes my heart melt.  He is always the first to ask if he can help me with anything and he's always so kind to me.  I love his laughter and his ability to bring humor into almost any situation.  His teasing and laughter put a smile on my face on a daily basis.  He loves his family and his Heavenly Father.  I honestly couldn't ask for a better son that him.  As he went to bed tonight he said, "Thanks mom.  I think this has been the best day of my life."  See, best son EVER!

So This Is What Fifteen Looks Like...

Fifteen years ago I became a mother for the first time.  Looking back I still can't believe those crazies at the hospital let us bring her home without any supervision.  I mean, she had Jared and I, but let's be honest, that really wasn't much considering we had NO idea what we were doing.  They told us to wake her up every two hours and feed her.  We set an alarm and got up faithfully that first night.  By the second night, she wouldn't wake up and neither could I.  By the third morning of her sleeping all night long, I took her to the pediatrician.  I was pretty sure she was broken, after all, what newborn sleeps ALL NIGHT LONG???  I remember the moment when I realized I had no idea what I was doing.  The doctor was looking at her and in a most casual voice said, "So, is this your first child?"  That's when it hit me that I really was a lunatic.  It turns out she wasn't broken, she was just a sleepyhead.  I learned that day that newborns can sleep all night long if they want.  Who knew???  And that's what she did.  She slept all night long from the first night, she was by far our best sleeper.  Now, she stays up all hours of the night, who knows, maybe she got her fill when she was a baby.

Anyway, this beautiful girl turned 15 today.  Yep folks, this is what fifteen looks like.

 

 

I can't tell you how much we love this girl.  She is so amazing.  She loves with her whole heart.  She is fiercely loyal to her friends and family.  She loves the gospel, her Heavenly Father and her older brother, Jesus Christ.  She knows what is right and she chooses the right, quietly without any fanfare.  She loves everyone she meets.  She never criticizes anyone, she defends all of Heavenly Father's children.  And, as her mom, I'm not ashamed to say that I think she is beautiful, inside and out.  She has her head on straight and knows what she wants out of life.  I don't doubt for a minute that she'll achieve all her goals because she does whatever she sets her mind to.  We love you Jenna and we couldn't be more proud of the incredible young woman you are becoming.