The Lord Is My Strength

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'm capable of doing. You see, I got a new calling in my ward, a big, scary, overwhelming calling.  I can't help wondering what the bishop was thinking when he asked me to do it. I know callings are given after prayer and inspiration and I know that Heavenly Father has his hands in our lives, even the very details. I also know that The Lord has promised that he won't give us more than we can handle. However, I have struggled to wrap my mind around this next chapter in my life, and by struggled I mean I have cried almost every single day for the last four weeks.

The first few days I cried because I couldn't believe this was what I was supposed to do. After that, I got smart and went to the temple.  Truthfully, there's no better place in the world to feel peace and to feel the love of The Lord.  I sat in the celestial room next to my incredibly patient husband and cried.  (Shocking, I know.) I prayed and told Heavenly Father that there was no way I could do this calling. I told him all the reasons I couldn't do it. Believe me when I tell you that I had a long list of reasons for why I could not possibly pull this off. It was a little like when our kids tell Jared that they can't do a job he has given them.  They tell him it's too hard or they don't know how, whatever the reason, the point is the same. They just can't do it.  I'm sure that was exactly what I sounded like. And then, after laying out all my reasons, in something akin to defeat, I stopped and listened.

It's amazing what can happen when we stop and listen and feel.  The Holy Ghost can reveal incredible things when we are in a place where we are willing to hear.  In that moment, I felt the most immense amount of love for me from Heavenly Father. Along with that came the assurance that I was, indeed, supposed to be serving in this way and at this time.  It wouldn't always be easy, but I was most certainly capable of doing it.  In short, I felt peace.  Pure, simple, complete and total peace. The kind of peace you can only feel from Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  The kind of peace I was desperate for that day.

I have clung to that feeling and that memory the last three weeks.  My crying has changed to begging The Lord to continue to show me the way, as I struggle to fulfill a new and scary assignment.  The tears have come as I have been filled with an overwhelming amount of love for the sisters in my ward and as I've prayed  to be an effective instrument in the Lord's hands.  A long time ago President Kimball taught is, "God does notice us and he watches over us.  But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.  Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom."  It's my turn to be the other person who meets the needs of these sisters with The Lord.

I was mopping my kitchen floor the other day and thinking. (I do my best thinking when I clean.)  You see, I was home from work and had just 45 minutes until I needed to pick up kids from school. I had a long list of things to do around the house, the kids would have homework, soccer practice, etc. and I had church stuff to do. I couldn't help feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. This led me to thinking about this concept of The Lord not giving us more than we can handle. I actually said out loud, "Really, Heavenly Father, you're sure I can handle this?"  Immediately I thought of a dear friend of mine. She has four little boys and is quite possibly the best mother I have seen. I could go on and on about how amazing I think she is and about all the things she does that are wonderful.  She is a woman who, in my opinion, is a perfect example of motherhood and womanhood. And then came the thought, "Do you think she believes she's as amazing as you know she is?"  I can honestly say that I don't know if she sees herself the way I see her.  She's a woman and we are, by our very nature, hard on ourselves.  We see more readily our perceived shortcomings and failings and rarely give ourselves credit for all the good we do. It took me a few minutes of scrubbing to finally make the connection. Heavenly Father sees the whole picture!  He knows what I can do even when I don't know. He sees my eternal potential, whereas I only see what I think I can do now.   And then it hit me, the thoughts of doubt, discouragement and frustration were not from my loving Heavenly Father!  These thoughts were from Satan. Satan who desires to make everyone miserable like he is. He wants me to doubt my abilities, be frustrated with the task ahead, shrivel up and give up! 

I have been keeping these thoughts with me through this busy week.  My love for the sisters in my ward is great. The task ahead of me is great. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ are great. I have everything I need to do this calling. I have a fabulous, supportive husband, great kids and I have The Lord. Through Him, all things are possible. If I keep The Lord involved in this process, then I know we can do amazing things.  In D&C 84:88 it says that The Lord will be on my right hand and on my left hand and his Spirit will be all around me to bear me up. He is my strength.  He will turn my weaknesses into strengths and He will guide me through  this process.  My testimony of Him is most precious to me and something I will forever be grateful for.  I know there will still be difficult times ahead, but I also know that The Lord always keeps his promises and He will be there to help me every single step of the way.  With God, nothing is impossible.

Milestones

As a parent, I've always noted milestones. When our oldest was born we were always anxious for her to do the next thing.  Whether it was rolling over, cooing, crawling or walking we were always excited to see it and then couldn't wait until the next milestone.

When we had our last child, Sadie (AKA Sadie Lady, Lulu, Goobsie, Goobs, Goober Smootch or anything else that pops into our heads!) I had finally learned to just enjoy my children. I was much less anxious to see her "do" everything and much more concerned with enjoying the journey. Nonetheless, the crazy mom in me still has watched and noted the milestones, though I'm not nearly as anxious for whatever comes next.

Well, something came next. My little Sadie Lady turned 8 last week. That's a pretty huge milestone in our world. She has been thrilled to finally have her birthday.  Her wish list hung on my fridge for three months constantly having things added to it. (In case you're wondering she did NOT get "an actual, real life puppy" or a "soft and furry kitten".) Being eight means no more riding in a car seat in Utah, this will be the first time we haven't had a car seat in our vehicle in 15 years!

It also means she can be baptized, she's giddy about it.  Every single day she asks how many more days until she gets baptized. 

Sadie has kept us on our toes from the moment of her arrival. She is the sweetest, sassiest and silliest Sadie that I know!  When Sadie was born, I always wondered inside how she would mesh with the other girls.  They are so much older than her, I worried that they wouldn't all be able to forge a close relationship with one another.  Then, I took all three of them shopping to find Sadie a baptism dress.  I sat back and watched as they took her from rack to rack piling on all the things she "had to try on".  As she came out of the dressing room with each new dress on they would tell her to twirl and give her advice on why it did or did not work for her.  As I sat watching, I knew in that moment, that the years would melt away and they would be just fine.  I suppose it should come as no surprise that in the past year she has watched her older sisters and learned many new things to try. She's put on her own makeup, tweezed her own eyebrows (that wasn't pretty),

tried on more pairs of six inch high heels than I can count, tried to convince me to buy said high heels

and last, but certainly not least, shaved her own legs! I honestly don't remember the last time I laughed so hard as when I found out she shaved her legs.  See what I mean about keeping us on our toes!!!

Nonetheless, Monday began with tons of fanfare and happiness on the part of this little girl.
She opened her gifts, went to lunch with mom and dad, went school supply shopping, played with her gifts, had steak, without potatoes, for dinner ("It's my birthday, I don't want to eat potatoes.") and then had cousins over for cake. She finished the evening by painting her toenails by herself for the first time and "singing herself to sleep" with her new Frozen CD. (I'm sure some of you heard her singing at the top of her lungs.) It was a whirlwind day, but according to her, "The best day EVER!"

We love having this sassy lassy in our family.  She always has a smile to share and funny little quip to keep us all in stitches.  It's interesting to watch your youngest child as she watches the older children.  Her take on the things they say and do is fascinating.  Nonetheless, she has a heart of gold.  She is always there to give a warm hug and kiss.  Her determination and her spunk are two things that I'm convinced she will need to make it through life in the world we live in now.  We love her to pieces and can't imagine our family without her.  And regardless of how she feels about it, she'll always be my baby.  I just wish I could convince her to slow down with the whole growing up thing.  :(